Friday, May 30, 2014

Something Old and New


A couple years ago, my MOPS group disbanded. I'm not saying it's entirely my fault they disbanded.  There were a lot of circumstances.  Our leaders kids were aging out, that left pretty much me to be the only one who could rule the group.  I said No.  I don't regret that decision, well, not entirely, but I miss seeing my gals regularly.  I keep busy though. I still have a wonderful network of moms to help me through the tough times.  And we have had plenty of those tough times in the last two years since we ended the group.  Unfortunately, we thought we'd get together a lot more often than we have. Even though we still have a great network, it's not the same.   I miss the old crew, the old Friday mornings, and some of the best breakfast foods I'd ever eaten.

What I didn't realize was that I also missed the group.  The discussions. The attempt at being a better mom.

I saw my mother in law yesterday, she was watching the littles so I could go and help out at Chris's school and have lunch with him one more time. Afterwards, we were discussing the week's plans.  She was heading out Wednesday afternoon to go see Aunt Teri and play in Florida for a month.  She had a MOPS meeting in the morning.  She's been helping to start a new MOPS group at St. Andrews.  Once again, she asked me to go.  I had no reasons not to.  Sam is off school.  I had done my shopping last week, so there was no need to do a Costco run, of course, I'd be completely disinclined to do so because shopping with 2 littles is not my joy.  If I had my way,  I'd just go in the middle of the night, or only for 5 items at a time, until August, or send Eric.  Anyway, I digress.  I didn't have a reason to say no.  Mom mentioned there had been some meetings that no moms had come to.  She and another friend were in charge, sort of.  I told her she needs to tell the Moms.  She's got the child care arranged, but no moms.  But they aren't advertising, or spreading the word much to the area.  She had an Area Coordinator coming to speak the next day and she was so worried no one would show up.

So I did.

And the meeting was me, my sister in law, and Mom....and the area coordinator.

And it was Great.

I swore going in, that just by attending, that does Not mean I'm signing up for Mops again.  But I had good ideas, things that had worked so well for our old group, and I was able to share them.  Where I once was an inexperienced, traumatized, fairly new mom, now I'm on my third toddler, and so much less stressed about milestones, and only stressing about trying to get this child to this place.  However, in spite of digging myself into quite a deep hole of busy-ness, I haven't really been working to better myself, or focusing on how to destress, or to be better mom.  And I'd forgotten that element of Mops.  And it was nice.  Even though I see Mom and Amy fairly regularly, it had been a Long Time since we'd talked so much, so uninterrupted.  I missed it.  The thing that got me was that Mom thought she was part of a team doing the leading, the startup of the group, but after attending, I realized She was leading it, and she didn't know she was, and she didn't know what to do.  She needed help.  She needed a committed team.

And it's not going to be me.

But it might be me, that goes back in the fall.  I liked my Mom2Mom group and my old Mops group, but I'm just barely coming out of a deep dark place, where I can finally begin to give again instead of take.  I was hurt by those who promised to help, when I needed it, and who didn't.  I still harbor a lot of anger and bitterness to those.  Another of my issues with resuming all my old ways was how hurt and angry I was that when I needed help, I didn't get it.  I could count on my hand the people that helped out when I was sick, and it saddens me.  But the whole process showed me who my true friends are.  I don't want to overextend myself giving in groups that didn't help me when I needed it.  It's hypocritical. That didn't sound right. I know these Christian organizations shouldn't be all about me, but what God wants us to do for others.  But if they aren't doing for all but a few, then that isn't what I signed up for.  It's one of the things I've been dealing with this past year. I sit there and stew in my anger and frustration.  And I haven't known what to say, or how to deal with it.  I had to shut down my circles when I was sick, and only spend my energy on a few priorities.  Now I'm getting better, I have more energy and health, I want to open my life back up again.  But I need to choose wisely.  My time is precious, even if no one sees that a stay at home mom has valuable time, it is precious to me.  And if I choose to spend it with someone, or with a group of people that don't feel that spending their time with me is precious, like if they say one thing and do another, or spend the whole time on their cell phones, I don't want to waste my precious time with them.

But this group, even if it is just Mom and Amy, well, they aren't like that.  And goodness knows, my old Mops group dug me out of some tough times, so I know the Mops organization isn't like that.  I remember how flummoxed I was as a new parent, and the parent of a special needs child.  I was met with love and understanding, and none of that group held it against us that Chris was poopy all the time in child care, or that I was a hot mess, and often unreliable.  Now I'm on the other end.  And even though I don't desire leadership, maybe I can open my heart and mind a bit, just to participate again.  But Maybe I can help some other new Mom, another Mom that was in such a mess like I was.  That idea makes me want to get involved again.  And I worry I'm just asking for trouble.

Anyway, all kinds of thoughts started swirling after that meeting.  It was good, and it got me thinking.  And honestly, I haven't done a lot of thinking lately. I was underwater for so long, it's been refreshing just to keep my head above water.  I hadn't thought much about What I wanted to do once I was Out of the water.  (I know, so many metaphors, so little time.)

So I went to lunch with Mom.  We went across the street to the bagel place. We used to go almost weekly when Chris was in preschool at St. Andrews.  I loved it there.  They used to know us by sight.  Not so much now.  It had been ages since I'd been.  In fact, I didn't even know what Sam would like.  Chris always liked the pink bagel with pink cream cheese.  But Sam can't have pink.  And he's not really a bagel fan.  I got him an egg sandwich on a bagel thin.  And he liked it ok.

I think I liked best that I had these sweetboys as my lunch date as well as Mom.  She had to skip out pretty quick, while Sam still puttered around, he's been attending the Prissy School of Eating lately.  But even slow, he was still sweet.  He asks the craziest questions now.  His mind is really taking off.

I am Blessed to have these sweetie pies as my lunch buddies.  

All in all, I'm pretty darn Blessed all around, as a Mom.  Maybe I am ready to Share the Joy.


Unknown said...

This post is bring back bad memories for me, when I asked for help and did not receive it. I've realized since then that everyone else has their own battles too. These past two years have been filled with therapies and testing with Nolan and there is no way I would have been able to help others without losing my mind. I'm glad you are getting to a good place.