Run Run Reindeer

 361/365

I found Cole's Toy.  I was putting Christmas clutter away and I found this.  

I was surprised.  We'd asked the kids if they had seen it, they all scrambled to look for it, because they knew how upset he was.  Apparently, Jacob had snatched it, because he thought it was cool. 

So, my morning was spent driving to their house, an hour away, to deliver it, with said offender, in person.  Jacob did a good job of making it right, as his cousin was just too excited to have it back.  He'd been so worried.  And they love each other so much, that they just wanted to play.  It was a pretty decent punishment to not let them play together. Parenting stinks. 

Then we dropped off goodies for my sister's puppy that we'd forgotten yesterday. I got to briefly see Lisa and my Mom again.  But as Parenting still stinks when trying to teach a lesson to a small boy who was not once, but twice denied playing with cousins. 

If you ask me what I did today?  I drove. 

After another much needed nap, I took Chris out for a drive.  He got more confident after hitting the speed limit for the first time yesterday.  Then dashed back to earth when he took a corner a little too fast for my comfort.  So far, driving around our neighborhood has been good enough for him. 

Ahsoka barks at Pluto! 

After all the adventures around town driving, all I wanted to do was sit and watch tv.  Chris joined me.  To me, it's still Christmas, and since I didn't get to watch all my favorite family shows, I'm watching them on my own. Disney+ had Pluto and the Christmas Tree, with Chip and Dale, one of my all time favorites.  The dog was cracking me up.  She was barking at the TV every time Pluto barked.  Then, of course, since it was on our old VHS tape as a starter, we had to watch Mickey's Christmas Carol. It may just be one of my all time favorite Christmas cartoons ever, maybe tied with Charlie Brown, just a hair above the Grinch.  

Our family celebrates Christmas until January 6th.  

Yeah, I could probably create a decent top list of Favorite Christmas Cartoons .... not the movies though, that's another list.

Our Favorite Christmas Cartoons

1. Charlie Brown's Christmas

1. Mickey's Christmas Carol

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

4. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

5. Frosty the Snowman

6. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

7.Pluto and the Christmas Tree

8. The Year without a Santa Claus

9. Twas the Night Before Christmas (the one with the mice)

10. Prep and Landing 

Honorable Mention - Emmet Otter's Jug Band, and John Denver and the Muppets,

We also watched Muppet Christmas Carol the other day, also a classic.  

There's just something wonderful and purely Christmas about the Muppets.  

Funny thing about that, I spent the day in my new T-shirt from Eric that says Emotional Support Animal and has the Muppet Animal on it. It's super soft.  

Booking It

3/366

Boys with Books

The theme for Friday was "This Year I'll..." 

After spending the better part of winter break doing what they wanted, play video games. I'm kind of over it.  I want to get out, I want to do things. I regret not doing more Christmas Festive things.  I sat in a quiet house, read 3 books, and didn't get much fresh air.  On one hand, we didn't get sick, like so many people we know.  On the other hand, I didn't spend as much time with family and friends like we like to.  I also enjoy seeing lots of Christmas lights, and visiting the museums all decked out for Festivity.   My kids don't care about that.  I'm sad about that.  

So this year, I'll...  Do what I want to do, by myself if I have to.  

Because they don't want to, if I ask.  But when I say I'm going to do this... then they want to.  It boggles my mind, and makes me Nutsy! 

Friday we met my Dad for lunch.  I wanted wings with my Dad.  I wanted to leave the house.  The kids didn't want to go initially, and were pretty rude about it.  But then when we got to Brozzini's, they were happy.  We were running late, because I couldn't find the pencils for my Stepmom, or the Barnes and Noble gift cards that we had received.  Because I was thinking after we headed to lunch, I wanted to go to Barnes and Noble.  We don't have near enough opportunity to head down to the Barnes and Noble. It isn't close, but now that I have three children who read; the library and bookstore are always big hits of places to visit.  They'd received Gift Cards for Christmas. 

After lunch, we had the opportunity to spend them. Jacob didn't have one, and he didn't have money, but I let him pick a book anyway.  Each one of us got to pick one thing.   We also picked up some nifty goodies for Cole, our nephew whose birthday was earlier this week, but his party was this weekend. Perhaps I went a little bonkers at the Book Store, but they always have a good time. 

Funny, how me requesting to do my favorite things, eventually results in smiles from them. 

I want wings and books, and even though they initially said no, they love it.  

And we stocked up on books!  They had fun after all, even though they got a little wild there at the end.  I shouldn't have taken them for cookies at Starbucks for good behavior.  Sugar and video games shouldn't be the right rewards for them.  Books are though, I didn't see them for the rest of the day because they were curled up reading their books, or using their Minecraft books to prepare for epic Minecraft battles. At least they are reading... even if it is to prepare them to be better gamers.

Taking a Moment

I read something this morning, about why we do what we do.  

Specifically, it was an article about parents, and why those of us that stay home attend all the rehearsals, and be home after school, just to be available to our kids.  

Because it doesn't last.  

My baby is 4 now.  With the last two kids, by the time they were this age, I was expecting another one. That is no longer the case.  The shop is closed.  

Some days lately, it makes me sad.  My littlest is getting so big.  

This article made me want to treasure my time with him.  

Today was a Beautiful day, so we got out and did that. 

We've only got one more year left of Preschool. 

Time for Mama to stop and smell the roses. 

Well, not literally.  

But Jake and I went outside to play. He climbed, slid, and got in the hammock with me. 

And it was good. 

The roses aren't quite ready to stop and smell yet, but the Allium is blooming. 

When we planted a 3 pack last year, Eric called them Dr. Seuss flowers.  The nickname has stuck. 

We're still calling them Dr. Seuss flowers.  I may need more than 3.  I think I like having them around.   They are kind of funny and fun at the same time.  They really are a Dr. Seuss sort of Flower. 

Speaking of fun and funny, taking an outdoor break with Jake was exactly what I needed. 

He was giggly and creative, and it's good to see him get a little crazy on his own.  

He's growing so fast.  I'm gonna miss having my baby around.  

My baby is 4, I need to take a moment just to work on stop calling him My Baby. 

Nah, that's never gonna happen.  I'll just take some time to treasure each age. 

They really do go fast. 

The Blankee

Hello, my name is Cathy, I'm 41 years old and I have a blankee.

This blanket was given to me Valentine's Day 2012.  Chris picked out this picture of them that I took right outside our church from the fall prior.  But I put this blanket on my bed, and it stayed there.  When I was on bedrest for 5 months, I had this blanket with me all the time. When my big boys were at school, and I was unable to take care of them, they told me I had them with me on the blankee.   And I did.  And it gave me comfort.  Then Jacob joined our family, and he hated sleeping alone, and we coslept.  I didn't want to cover him with a heavy comforter, so we slept with this blanket.  Now I've become accustomed to sleeping with it every night, even with Jacob not in my bed anymore.  With my big boys gone, I've been snuggling with my sweetboys every night.

When I went to Utah, I took the blanket with me.  In fact, it was the first thing I unpacked when I arrived Wednesday afternoon.  I desperately needed to lay down before we went on the hunt for dinner, and I pulled it out to snuggle it and rest before taking on the evening's festivities.

I didn't get to talk to my boys yesterday either.  It was the first time since they were born that I haven't talked to them.  I cried when the clock struck midnight last night.  And I curled up with my sweetboy blanket, until I  fell asleep.

Today they called me, the phones finally worked.  I got to talk to them for about 10 minutes.  We were all on speaker phone together.  And my heart was full.

Now I'm going to go curl up with my blankee.  My boys come home tomorrow.

I used to speak in complete sentences

We had Book Club meeting tonight.   In the book we were reading, Where Things Come Back, which I didn't quite finish,  because I got confused early on, and just didn't have the mindpower.  The gals assure me it's worth finishing.  In it, the main character jots down a list of possible book titles.  When a question was asked what book title we would use, I immediately called out my favorite quote from Ghostbusters, "Dogs and Cats sleeping together, Mass Hysteria" - story of my life.  Only, we have no more cats. :(
So then we got to talking about life as moms, and how we'd probably never be able to even write a book nowadays, because our brains are fried, or rather our frains are bried.   Someone once told me, that when you have your first child, you lose half your mind.  With the second, the other half.  So really, any more than 2 kids, you're screwed.
I used to speak in complete sentences.
That became my book title.  I used to have thoughts, be able to blog, be able to tell a full story.  Now I'm lucky if the story makes it into a Facebook status.   But with little steps comes little progress, so here I am, blogging for the first time in a while, and thinking, I made it to Book Club, got to spend some quality time with friends, and turned around and ran for 22 minutes with my bestie.  Go me! Go Kathleen! We rock!
Tonight, that's enough.

A college song come true

It's been a while, I haven't been blogging much.  I'm thinking about getting a boob job for Christmas.
Back in college, some friends sang a song "I'm getting a boob job for Christmas."  I don't remember the tune, but it's become a running gag.  Until now.  Now it's coming true.

I've tried to take back my health this year, since turning 40.   We joined the Y.  Since joining I've made it down there at least once a week.  This month, I joined a support group that has me drinking almost a gallon of water a day, walking at least a mile, and studying Colossians.  I've lost 5 pounds!   I'm so excited!   This exercising business isn't hurting me as much as I thought it would.

But something else has been gnawing at me.  When I turned 40, I made doctor's appts for myself.  I got into the OB in May, but my GP couldn't see me until August. In July, they changed the appt to a different doctor, because my usual guy wasn't available.   It had been years since I'd had a physical.  I didn't mind seeing a new person.  So I did.  I got a fasting blood sugar, and liver check, and some other vials of blood taken.  I weighed in and that was disappointing.  I weighed as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant.  Time to do something more!  The weight wasn't bothering me, because as long as I was moving my body periodically I wasn't having as much back pain.   But I want to get on a steady downward streak.  It's time to take back my health!

While I was in there, I mentioned to her that now that Jacob was practically weaned, but not quite.   And I wanted to know what the next steps would be towards getting a Breast Reduction surgery.  I have been telling myself for years that when I'm 40 I'm getting a Boob Job.  I realized that we would be done having our family by the time I was 40.  Turned out it was 38 since I got so sick with Jacob.  But since he is such a boobaholic, I didn't expect to be still nursing at 40.   Just the same, it was time.  She told me it wouldn't be a problem.  Great!  And 2 hours after I got home, I had a phone call from a surgeon's office telling me I needed to sign a release to get my records sent, and all this stuff was tremendously overwhelming.  I hadn't expected it to move so quickly.  So I took no actions.
Did I really even want this surgery?

In the mean time, it looks like we're done.  Jacob nursed for the last time Friday afternoon, the 11th.  28 1/2 months of nursing!  That's gotta be a record.  It's sad to be done.  So I'm trying to look forward to happier thoughts, like being able to button my shirts again, or being able to buy a bra in a regular store like Victoria's Secret, or even Walmart.  I've never been able to buy a cheap bra.  I've always been hard to fit.  What if, having this actually means a reduction of pain in my neck, shoulders, and spine?!  That blows my mind the biggest of all.  I hesitate to get too hopeful about that perk.  But it might be nice to actually have my boobs be up back up where they belong.

Go for a Ride

319/365

Jacob keeps trying to ride this toy.  

I was in a class all day on Saturday, and missed this little crazy boy.  So this was the only picture that I took all day.  It was nice to get out, fresh air, and all that, but it felt quite surreal to be away from Jacob for so long by myself.  Refreshing though. 

I've heard it said to take an evening a week, a day a month, and a weekend a year away from the kids, just to let them miss me a bit.  I don't do that.  But as Jacob ages, I'm better at stepping away.  This was my first long day away from him by myself. Eric and I got away for our anniversary in October, but I don't get away for 9 hours alone.  Madness.   I do get touched out sometimes.  And it was long enough for me to miss my boyz.  However, I do think it did some good for me to get away, to talk to other grownups.  I've forgotten what it's like to just talk about Me, though I can't help myself but brag about my boys, even when it is just me.  And it was good for Daddy to take a day shift.  The boys played all day, and cleaned their rooms, and had a fine time.  The only problem I had was that Sam got a hold of a sharpie - yipes.   But Jacob was Good and Exhausted by the end of the day.  In fact, he might have been a little punchy by the end of the day, which is why I think he was trying to get on this little toy and ride it. It was pretty funny, yes, getting away for a day was enough for me to miss him too.  

Monster Mondays

304/365

When my niece Lexi was born way back in the day, 2001, my sister in law coined the term Monster Mondays.  I didn't understand.  But she said Mondays were often rough, particularly after a busy weekend.  And this weekend had certainly been one.   We all were pretty tired come this monday morning.  Jacob too.

Jacob filled his pants with a Monster Sized Load to tell me what he thought about this Monday. 

And since we didn't have much cooking, I threw him in the bath.  He had fun with that.  

And as Chris's therapist has a picture hanging in her office, amongst other sayings, "Sometimes, when they're crabby, stick them in water."  It's amazing how a nice bath can turn the whole day around.  We plotted out a yarn run to stock up on goodies to make Christmas presents, I'm getting all excited about making some holiday projects!   

By bedtime, he was in a great mood, and the Colts were playing Monday Night Football. 

Check out the giant tv my Dad gave us.  It has a couple 'constellations' from pixels that are blown, but it's huge.  And Jacob finds it most intriguing.  He'll probably figure out how it works before I do.  

Still the Colts are HUGE in my living room now.  When that camera got behind Pat McAfee as he ran down the field doing a kick, I was amazed.  I'm very Thankful for this neat 'new' tv, well, new to us anyway, that we got yesterday.  It's so very nice!

A Rainy Day

213/365

Somehow this was the only picture I took on Wednesday.  

I was driving from home to my friend A's at 9:30 in the morning. And the clouds were so dark as it poured down rain, that the red bricks and green grass looked really beautiful. A was hosting a bit of reunion of the old MOPS crew, and as soon as I got in my car it started raining, not just a little popup summer shower, a full on flood.  And it continued to do so until we left to go get Christopher.  We sat around, google-eyed at K's new baby, and pondering how once the big kids playing were once the littles, and how it goes by so fast. 

Way too fast. 

Aiden's birthday in the woods

178/365

Wednesday was Aiden's 2nd birthday.  It was perfectly obvious to me that the boy was 2, whether he had technically turned 2 yet or not, by the size of the tantrum the night before.  He cried at me for an hour because I was not Mommy or Daddy.  And I was surprised that I handled it ok, my ears did not end up bleeding, in fact, I still had strength enough to be able to try and comfort him.  And it worked.  Oh yes, he is 2.

So Wednesday morning, all the kids were so excited about Aidy's birthday, it was like the whole week had been an ultimate slumber party for him too!  Happy Birthday Aiden!  As soon as he got up in the morning, his Daddy and siblings were teaching him how to say that he is 2.   It looked more like giving a high five.  It was pretty stinky cute.

Jacob and I had a pretty quiet day at home, and by home I mean Amy's.  Jake has been waking up early, like 6:30.  And I've never nursed so much on my side, but he has been waking up multiple times so I just roll over and he drinks.  I can finally see what the big deal about sleep-nursing is!  Jake was just so small and I was afraid of suffocating him.  But now that he's bigger, he can lift the boob, move his face, or whatever if he can't breathe.  And since he's cosleeping, and in bed with me all the time, it's not as big a deal if he wakes up 4 or 5 times a night.  At least, aside from the waking me up 4-5 times a night.  I wasn't thinking it was a big deal.  Until the end of the day.  

Since, it was Aidy's special day, their family tradition is to go to Chuck E. Cheese.  So we opted to do his cupcakes and candles Before we went to the place, because we didn't want to load them up with sugar and be crazy when we got back.   It was a good call.  

Aiden was so excited about his special double chocolate cupcake with 2 candles! 

We all gathered around to sing to him on his special day. 

All the boys wanted to help him with his cupcake problem. But he was big enough to handle it on his own. ;) 

Oh yeah, nothing says birthday than a sweetboy covered in chocolate. 

Just as we started to head out, a storm rolled in.  This tree was half gone the next day, and you can see how dark the clouds got.  This storm was a buzzkill for the res campers, so I was happy it didn't hit until after Day Camp had let out.  It was rather nasty to drive in.  But we made it thru the rain. ;)  And got to Chuck's in one piece. 

7 kids gone wild in Chuck E. Cheese is something to behold.  My boys and their kids all had a wonderful time.  They played and played and played.  They were moving around so much, there was no way for me to get all of them in one picture. 

This was as close as I got 3 in one and 3 in the other.

I spent most of the night, guarding our tables with this cuddly cutie.  He did wonderfully.  He ate my entire stash of snacks, and loved people watching.  And he loved when the kids would come up for coins and go off to play some more.  He did great.  

At one point, I even turned him around and played the wack-a-mole like game right behind us until my arm got sore (not long, but Shay/I and Bryn/I were tough teams) But after a couple hours, Mommy was done.  

Turns out I was not the only one.  Once we ran out of coins, cashed in our tickets, and were waiting in line to get prizes, the elder boys couldn't handle themselves.  I left fast.  I was anticipating a meltdown, but thought I'd avoided it, by leaving fast.  They got to the car, they were in good moods, and I thought, hmm, we're near civilization, I'm going to go see if I can find a charger for my cell phone and/or the ipad, both of whose chargers I'd forgotten.  Well, Radio Shack had already closed.  So I passed a Target.  We went in there, and that was the worst choice yet.  Not only did they not have what I needed, but my kids went bonkers, wanting everything they could see.  I said, if you guys be good, I'll get you some tic tacs and gum in line.  Only they weren't.  And by the time they were in line, and they asked for their treats, I had to say No.  They lost their ever loving minds.  I dragged them out.  And I screamed at them all the way through Lafayette.  They were so done.  And then when we got home, it was time for Aiden to open his presents. 

 And Aiden't sisters and brother couldn't wait to help him.   It was an exercise in strength not to have all the big kids taking over 'helping' the two year old.  They were all so done.  But it was Aidy's special day, and we wanted so badly to celebrate to the utmost with him.  My boys held it together for a bit, for Aiden's sake, but they just couldn't.  It was 9:30, they'd been up since before 7.  They were toast.  It's a sad day when the baby is the best behaved at near 10.  I had to drag Chris off to my room to sleep with me.  That pushed him over the edge.  Me too.  And he was Out Cold by the time I had Sam in bed in another room.  I fully intended to drink a very large bottle of wine after the big ones were down.  Only I went downstairs and tried to pull the cork, but it broke in half in my hand, leaving half in the bottle.  So I surrendured and went to bed, to try again another day.  Mommy was Done too. 

Something Old and New

158/365

A couple years ago, my MOPS group disbanded. I'm not saying it's entirely my fault they disbanded.  There were a lot of circumstances.  Our leaders kids were aging out, that left pretty much me to be the only one who could rule the group.  I said No.  I don't regret that decision, well, not entirely, but I miss seeing my gals regularly.  I keep busy though. I still have a wonderful network of moms to help me through the tough times.  And we have had plenty of those tough times in the last two years since we ended the group.  Unfortunately, we thought we'd get together a lot more often than we have. Even though we still have a great network, it's not the same.   I miss the old crew, the old Friday mornings, and some of the best breakfast foods I'd ever eaten.

What I didn't realize was that I also missed the group.  The discussions. The attempt at being a better mom.

I saw my mother in law yesterday, she was watching the littles so I could go and help out at Chris's school and have lunch with him one more time. Afterwards, we were discussing the week's plans.  She was heading out Wednesday afternoon to go see Aunt Teri and play in Florida for a month.  She had a MOPS meeting in the morning.  She's been helping to start a new MOPS group at St. Andrews.  Once again, she asked me to go.  I had no reasons not to.  Sam is off school.  I had done my shopping last week, so there was no need to do a Costco run, of course, I'd be completely disinclined to do so because shopping with 2 littles is not my joy.  If I had my way,  I'd just go in the middle of the night, or only for 5 items at a time, until August, or send Eric.  Anyway, I digress.  I didn't have a reason to say no.  Mom mentioned there had been some meetings that no moms had come to.  She and another friend were in charge, sort of.  I told her she needs to tell the Moms.  She's got the child care arranged, but no moms.  But they aren't advertising, or spreading the word much to the area.  She had an Area Coordinator coming to speak the next day and she was so worried no one would show up.

So I did.

And the meeting was me, my sister in law, and Mom....and the area coordinator.

And it was Great.

I swore going in, that just by attending, that does Not mean I'm signing up for Mops again.  But I had good ideas, things that had worked so well for our old group, and I was able to share them.  Where I once was an inexperienced, traumatized, fairly new mom, now I'm on my third toddler, and so much less stressed about milestones, and only stressing about trying to get this child to this place.  However, in spite of digging myself into quite a deep hole of busy-ness, I haven't really been working to better myself, or focusing on how to destress, or to be better mom.  And I'd forgotten that element of Mops.  And it was nice.  Even though I see Mom and Amy fairly regularly, it had been a Long Time since we'd talked so much, so uninterrupted.  I missed it.  The thing that got me was that Mom thought she was part of a team doing the leading, the startup of the group, but after attending, I realized She was leading it, and she didn't know she was, and she didn't know what to do.  She needed help.  She needed a committed team.

And it's not going to be me.

But it might be me, that goes back in the fall.  I liked my Mom2Mom group and my old Mops group, but I'm just barely coming out of a deep dark place, where I can finally begin to give again instead of take.  I was hurt by those who promised to help, when I needed it, and who didn't.  I still harbor a lot of anger and bitterness to those.  Another of my issues with resuming all my old ways was how hurt and angry I was that when I needed help, I didn't get it.  I could count on my hand the people that helped out when I was sick, and it saddens me.  But the whole process showed me who my true friends are.  I don't want to overextend myself giving in groups that didn't help me when I needed it.  It's hypocritical. That didn't sound right. I know these Christian organizations shouldn't be all about me, but what God wants us to do for others.  But if they aren't doing for all but a few, then that isn't what I signed up for.  It's one of the things I've been dealing with this past year. I sit there and stew in my anger and frustration.  And I haven't known what to say, or how to deal with it.  I had to shut down my circles when I was sick, and only spend my energy on a few priorities.  Now I'm getting better, I have more energy and health, I want to open my life back up again.  But I need to choose wisely.  My time is precious, even if no one sees that a stay at home mom has valuable time, it is precious to me.  And if I choose to spend it with someone, or with a group of people that don't feel that spending their time with me is precious, like if they say one thing and do another, or spend the whole time on their cell phones, I don't want to waste my precious time with them.

But this group, even if it is just Mom and Amy, well, they aren't like that.  And goodness knows, my old Mops group dug me out of some tough times, so I know the Mops organization isn't like that.  I remember how flummoxed I was as a new parent, and the parent of a special needs child.  I was met with love and understanding, and none of that group held it against us that Chris was poopy all the time in child care, or that I was a hot mess, and often unreliable.  Now I'm on the other end.  And even though I don't desire leadership, maybe I can open my heart and mind a bit, just to participate again.  But Maybe I can help some other new Mom, another Mom that was in such a mess like I was.  That idea makes me want to get involved again.  And I worry I'm just asking for trouble.

Anyway, all kinds of thoughts started swirling after that meeting.  It was good, and it got me thinking.  And honestly, I haven't done a lot of thinking lately. I was underwater for so long, it's been refreshing just to keep my head above water.  I hadn't thought much about What I wanted to do once I was Out of the water.  (I know, so many metaphors, so little time.)

So I went to lunch with Mom.  We went across the street to the bagel place. We used to go almost weekly when Chris was in preschool at St. Andrews.  I loved it there.  They used to know us by sight.  Not so much now.  It had been ages since I'd been.  In fact, I didn't even know what Sam would like.  Chris always liked the pink bagel with pink cream cheese.  But Sam can't have pink.  And he's not really a bagel fan.  I got him an egg sandwich on a bagel thin.  And he liked it ok.

I think I liked best that I had these sweetboys as my lunch date as well as Mom.  She had to skip out pretty quick, while Sam still puttered around, he's been attending the Prissy School of Eating lately.  But even slow, he was still sweet.  He asks the craziest questions now.  His mind is really taking off.

I am Blessed to have these sweetie pies as my lunch buddies.  

All in all, I'm pretty darn Blessed all around, as a Mom.  Maybe I am ready to Share the Joy.

Something Old and New

158/365

A couple years ago, my MOPS group disbanded. I'm not saying it's entirely my fault they disbanded.  There were a lot of circumstances.  Our leaders kids were aging out, that left pretty much me to be the only one who could rule the group.  I said No.  I don't regret that decision, well, not entirely, but I miss seeing my gals regularly.  I keep busy though. I still have a wonderful network of moms to help me through the tough times.  And we have had plenty of those tough times in the last two years since we ended the group.  Unfortunately, we thought we'd get together a lot more often than we have. Even though we still have a great network, it's not the same.   I miss the old crew, the old Friday mornings, and some of the best breakfast foods I'd ever eaten.

What I didn't realize was that I also missed the group.  The discussions. The attempt at being a better mom.

I saw my mother in law yesterday, she was watching the littles so I could go and help out at Chris's school and have lunch with him one more time. Afterwards, we were discussing the week's plans.  She was heading out Wednesday afternoon to go see Aunt Teri and play in Florida for a month.  She had a MOPS meeting in the morning.  She's been helping to start a new MOPS group at St. Andrews.  Once again, she asked me to go.  I had no reasons not to.  Sam is off school.  I had done my shopping last week, so there was no need to do a Costco run, of course, I'd be completely disinclined to do so because shopping with 2 littles is not my joy.  If I had my way,  I'd just go in the middle of the night, or only for 5 items at a time, until August, or send Eric.  Anyway, I digress.  I didn't have a reason to say no.  Mom mentioned there had been some meetings that no moms had come to.  She and another friend were in charge, sort of.  I told her she needs to tell the Moms.  She's got the child care arranged, but no moms.  But they aren't advertising, or spreading the word much to the area.  She had an Area Coordinator coming to speak the next day and she was so worried no one would show up.

So I did.

And the meeting was me, my sister in law, and Mom....and the area coordinator.

And it was Great.

I swore going in, that just by attending, that does Not mean I'm signing up for Mops again.  But I had good ideas, things that had worked so well for our old group, and I was able to share them.  Where I once was an inexperienced, traumatized, fairly new mom, now I'm on my third toddler, and so much less stressed about milestones, and only stressing about trying to get this child to this place.  However, in spite of digging myself into quite a deep hole of busy-ness, I haven't really been working to better myself, or focusing on how to destress, or to be better mom.  And I'd forgotten that element of Mops.  And it was nice.  Even though I see Mom and Amy fairly regularly, it had been a Long Time since we'd talked so much, so uninterrupted.  I missed it.  The thing that got me was that Mom thought she was part of a team doing the leading, the startup of the group, but after attending, I realized She was leading it, and she didn't know she was, and she didn't know what to do.  She needed help.  She needed a committed team.

And it's not going to be me.

But it might be me, that goes back in the fall.  I liked my Mom2Mom group and my old Mops group, but I'm just barely coming out of a deep dark place, where I can finally begin to give again instead of take.  I was hurt by those who promised to help, when I needed it, and who didn't.  I still harbor a lot of anger and bitterness to those.  Another of my issues with resuming all my old ways was how hurt and angry I was that when I needed help, I didn't get it.  I could count on my hand the people that helped out when I was sick, and it saddens me.  But the whole process showed me who my true friends are.  I don't want to overextend myself giving in groups that didn't help me when I needed it.  It's hypocritical. That didn't sound right. I know these Christian organizations shouldn't be all about me, but what God wants us to do for others.  But if they aren't doing for all but a few, then that isn't what I signed up for.  It's one of the things I've been dealing with this past year. I sit there and stew in my anger and frustration.  And I haven't known what to say, or how to deal with it.  I had to shut down my circles when I was sick, and only spend my energy on a few priorities.  Now I'm getting better, I have more energy and health, I want to open my life back up again.  But I need to choose wisely.  My time is precious, even if no one sees that a stay at home mom has valuable time, it is precious to me.  And if I choose to spend it with someone, or with a group of people that don't feel that spending their time with me is precious, like if they say one thing and do another, or spend the whole time on their cell phones, I don't want to waste my precious time with them.

But this group, even if it is just Mom and Amy, well, they aren't like that.  And goodness knows, my old Mops group dug me out of some tough times, so I know the Mops organization isn't like that.  I remember how flummoxed I was as a new parent, and the parent of a special needs child.  I was met with love and understanding, and none of that group held it against us that Chris was poopy all the time in child care, or that I was a hot mess, and often unreliable.  Now I'm on the other end.  And even though I don't desire leadership, maybe I can open my heart and mind a bit, just to participate again.  But Maybe I can help some other new Mom, another Mom that was in such a mess like I was.  That idea makes me want to get involved again.  And I worry I'm just asking for trouble.

Anyway, all kinds of thoughts started swirling after that meeting.  It was good, and it got me thinking.  And honestly, I haven't done a lot of thinking lately. I was underwater for so long, it's been refreshing just to keep my head above water.  I hadn't thought much about What I wanted to do once I was Out of the water.  (I know, so many metaphors, so little time.)

So I went to lunch with Mom.  We went across the street to the bagel place. We used to go almost weekly when Chris was in preschool at St. Andrews.  I loved it there.  They used to know us by sight.  Not so much now.  It had been ages since I'd been.  In fact, I didn't even know what Sam would like.  Chris always liked the pink bagel with pink cream cheese.  But Sam can't have pink.  And he's not really a bagel fan.  I got him an egg sandwich on a bagel thin.  And he liked it ok.

I think I liked best that I had these sweetboys as my lunch date as well as Mom.  She had to skip out pretty quick, while Sam still puttered around, he's been attending the Prissy School of Eating lately.  But even slow, he was still sweet.  He asks the craziest questions now.  His mind is really taking off.

I am Blessed to have these sweetie pies as my lunch buddies.  

All in all, I'm pretty darn Blessed all around, as a Mom.  Maybe I am ready to Share the Joy.

Special treats

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Monday was a special day for Sam and I.  For Sam, because he was able to go to his 'new school', the elementary school he will be attending this fall for his kindergarten assessment.  I was just fine with it, until Miss C, one of the office attendants, said something as they were escorting him back, about how small but excited he was.  He has been so excited.  It's hard for me to get too teary about my middlest baby starting kindergarten when he's so excited about it.  He really is happy, and his joy is simply contagious.

I love our school.  They are so excited to "Get Sam".  They just reinforce in my heart and mind what an answer to prayer this school has been.  They aren't dreading the new crew coming in, they are excited.  They are honored and happy to be gaining these new students.  And the have Joy at the privilege they get to teach my Sams.  It makes me happy that they see Sam's attendance in kindergarten as a privilege and something to get excited about.  That they share my Joy, that's what makes me teary, not having to say goodbye to being home with my Sam's every day. 

Though honestly, he hasn't really been home every day with me this year.  He's ready to go.  He can't wait.  It's hard for me to be sad since he's so happy.  He's already told me that he wants a green lantern backpack for the first day of school.  My only thought was, of course you do. 

After our meeting at school, we got to have lunch with my friend Amy who moved away a couple years back.  I usually let her choose where she wants to go and what she wants to do when she comes to town, but she was in the mood to be 'culinarily adventurous'.  I loved that term.  So I introduced her to Thai at Thai Lanna.  And it was Good.  Yes, that's 3 times this month that I've gotten to eat thai.  It's a record.  But it's because I have a serious problem.  It's a tom yum soup problem.  I think it will be better on my pocketbook if I just learn how to make it and buy the ingredients.  The amazing thing about our lunch date, besides that we had a great lunch, was that So Did the Boys!  Jacob ate puffs and cheerios, and Sam at chicken satay, aka chicken on a stick.  They proved that everything is better when served on a stick.  I think Jake may have eaten a small bite of chicken, because one minute the bite was there, then it was gone, but I didn't see it.  And the second bite, he definitely threw overboard.  Obviously a waste, so I wasn't about to give him a third.  But he's almost becoming an carnivore. :) 

Sam ate so well that after lunch, he asked for ice cream.  In answer to another craving, we hit orange leaf.  Surprisingly, the calories that I ate there weren't as hideous as I thought they'd be.  I have lost 8 pounds in the last month.  And I find it's easier to do it as a lifestyle rather than just a diet if I splurge on occasion.  So I remember why I'm doing what I'm doing.  A little taste on occasion is ok, otherwise, I'm liable to just blow the whole thing.  And it was so good.  

Sam even shared some of his blue froyo with Jacob. He didn't know what hit him.  But he knew he liked it.:) 

Naptime leading to better times

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Church was crazy this weekend.  We'd had a pretty quiet weekend at home, and so it didn't seem like any big thing that Sunday morning was Music sunday at church.  But the bell choir was performing, and the kids were singing.  And before you know it, the kids were bonkers during service.  I mean like full on, multiple timeouts.  Jake didn't want to sit still, I pulled him to the nursery after all the boys had sung.

They sang God's Love is Amazing from the new VBS Weird Animals, coming to our church at the end of June.  Here's a little video snippet recorded by my friend Lori, hope this works.  Post by Messiah Lutheran Church.

It's getting fun to prepare for this summer.  Not sending Chris to ABA Day Camp this year is proving to be more exciting...and more expensive.  Both Chris and Sam are old enough to do a lot of fun things.  And we're getting started with planning all kinds of schemy things and the boys are getting pretty excited.  It's hard to choose.  Which do you choose?  Something expensive but fun, or less fun and cheap?!  Well, it maybe a bit of both around here.  I know that I don't have it in me to entertain Chris for 7 straight weeks alone.  

But getting ready for VBS hasn't stopped the boys from going bonkers.  They acted like idjits all through church.  Jake got dragged off to the nursery.  Sam got 2 timeouts, and Chris even got 1.  Ugh.  By lunch, Eric and I were exhausted.  What is it about Spring that makes them lose their ever loving minds?!  

So we All needed a nap.  But we don't let Chris nap on school days anymore unless he's really sick, and I know he won't be going to school the next day either, because if he naps at all he's up until 10 and his whole schedule is off.  So we stopped napping him.  Unfortunately, like on this day, it means that all of us need a nap But Chris.  As he's gotten older, he's let us nap, but he still doesn't always have a good grasp on the definition of quiet time.   Still, on this day, for once, he let the rest of us rest.  And we all woke in a better mood.  

In the mean time, we're also beginning to enjoy the weather we have.  And so Sunday after supper we planned on taking a walk around the block.  The boys were still wearing their church shirts, and they looked pretty adorable.  So I asked to take their picture by the pretty blue-violet irses from Grandma's in bloom.  The big boys wanted to ride their bikes.  And Jake was hysterical, he kept on trying to grab the boy's bicycles.  He was cracking me up!  

This was the sweetest pic I got.  The only one where Jake actually looked at Daddy and I jumping up and down making idiots of ourselves to get a good picture.  

Turns out this picture was even better.  3 boys enjoying a walk around the block. :) 

Stupid ducts

133/365

So, Friday was pretty crummy.  For the 4th time in 3 weeks I had another plugged duct.  If boob talk bugs you, just look at this picture of Jake.  After all, it is all his fault.  Then move on.

Yeah, so I woke up in the morning tender, sore, and hot boob.  It was the same one that's been acting up.  I immediately got out the breast pump so I could pump before Eric left, I took a hot bath, parking myself right under the faucet and turning up the temp up so hot that my skin was pink. I hurt.  Eric took Sam to school, he's sweet like that.  I caved and called the doctor's office.  Since we've all been so 'healthy' this year, this is the first year in like 5 we haven't hit our deductible by March, so if I go, I've gotta pay for it.  I've been disinclined to do so.  But the pain got to me Friday, so I decided to call.  I was thinking, I can make it through the weekend, just doing what I have been, but I should probably be seen Monday.  Yeah, they didn't care.  They were like, the first available is 7:15 AM next Friday morning.  Seriously?!
Did I have a fever?  No.  Blessedly, I didn't have the mastitis signs, no fever, no red lines.  Well, there was redness, but it was just the pushing and heat I'd just done.  But they weren't worried.  I balked a bit, so they put me on with a nurse, and she cared even less.  I can't wear a bra!  Which if you know me should be illegal in at least 8 states because I hurt so much.  But she just said, do all the things you've been doing.  Pump. Bathe. Massage.  But then when the pain goes away, keep doing it for a few days.  You really need to work all the cottage cheese out.  My words, not hers.  I have this milk blister that keeps coming  back.  I had to lance it the second time.  But the scab was what caused #3 flareup, I think.  This time, I massaged enough I got milk moving through it.   And I pumped.  And I put Jacob to work.

Jacob worked hard Friday, he was nursing primarily the left side all day, by evening I was not feeling as much pressure.  That is not his favorite side.  I don't think it puts out as much as the right.  And neither does he.  He gets snippy.  Plus he's got allergies and runny nose.  We're a pair of pretty nothin's.  He joined me in the evening for a second bath.  I did get out of the house on Friday though.  I wanted to take Jake to Kindermusik.  I had a surprise for Aunt Amy to give to Val who's having a little girl, just a wee bitty spring cover blanket.  

Jacob makes a fine model.  He's pretty in pink.  Though this pic was taken over Spring Break. 

Anyway, I went to music class, painfully jostled all over the place.  I wore a tank top and a shirt, since there was just No Bra in my future.  I'm wondering if I just need a new bra. It's been a year, and I wonder if that's part of my problem. It occurs to me that buying a new bra would be significantly cheaper than going to the doctor.  But Jake and I just napped in the afternoon, thankfully Sam was obliging too.  But I find it hard to sleep, my arm goes numb if I lay on my right for too long, but it hurts to lay on my left because the weight of the upper boob pushes down the sore one.  And there's No Way I could sleep on my tummy right now, even if Jacob wasn't in my bed all the time.  It really is all his fault you know.  

No, I'm Batman

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Sometimes I cave when things are asked of my by my kids, and sometimes I fight.  Motherhood is a battle in Choosing Your Battles.  It was chilly outside today, but that didn't stop me from saying yes when Sam felt like Jacob should wear his new batman shirt he received from Mike and Kathleen on his birthday last weekend.  So I put him in it.  He was actually stinky adorable.  Turns out this child fits better in 18 month clothes than I thought he would.

This kid is off and running.  He makes me treasure being a mother of 3.  

I took all 3 yahoos to the dentist today.  

I was amazed at how well they behaved...in the dentist's office.  Even Jacob.  I pumped him full of puffs.  And even with Chris's sensory issues, I didn't have to be in the room while they did his x-rays, I love our dentist, his whole staff is wonderful. Dr. Brad Stutler in case you were wondering.  But before we arrived, and as we left, they all lost their minds.  It was like they were on best behavior for the staff, which I suppose is as it should be, then for me, they lost it completely.  By the time we got home, I was Fried.  

Not relaxing at all

However, we all have clean teeth, and no one (not even me, and I hadn't been in 2 years!) had any cavities, which is amazing considering how much sugary crap I'd been eating lately.  And Sam's problem with fruit snacks, I was amazed his teeth were intact too.  Pretty impressive.  Still, whether you're a supermom or an active kid, getting out in public can be exhausted.  Jake and I plopped ourselves on the couch and just vegged out for a while.  

Even Batman gets exhausted.  

Boy? Boy? I see no boy.

79/365

Jacob looks and acts much more than a little boy than a baby now that he's so mobile.  

Sit down baby, sit down! 

When did they become little boys? 

These two have been my babies for so long, I just looked at them today, and suddenly, they look like Boys. 

They really do grow so fast.  Too fast.  

Maybe it's true for all moms that their kids seem to grow up so fast.  It didn't seem to go this fast with Chris.  But it seems like just this week, Sam has grown, he doesn't turn 5 until next week, but he's very ready.  And Jake is 10 1/2 months, but we might as well be calling him 'almost 1'.  I'm rounding up already.  Oh Jeez.

A Mess of a Day

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Every have one of those day when you just want to take the day off and play with your loved ones?Yesterday was kind of one of those for me.  Mostly unintentionally though.  In the morning, when we should've gone to Kindermusik, Jacob overslept  and though I did get us ready and look at the clock because we were late, and as I patted his bottom right as we walked to the door, I realized, he's wet, he's hungry, and when the phone rang and it was my sister, well, we just ended up staying home.   I had a good talk with my sister, who is a better man than I, dogsitting for a family member who hasn't seen us in years.   And Jake and I had some time playing on the floor. He's getting quite good at cruising. Taking a break to talk to Eric, we realized Eric hadn't packed a lunch, so we decided to kidnap him, well, we met at Friday's.  

That last tooth that had come in last week had regressed, and been coming back out slowly all week.  He's a bit of a hot mess too. But he wanted to eat puffs and try to take my camera.

Sam thought it was hysterical to meet at a place called Friday's on a Friday!  

I realized that Sam's lips were looking rather disgusting, but only where I'd been putting chapstick on him. Over lunch, Eric looked at the ingredients, and we found that Chapstick puts artificial colors, like Red 6 and 40 in their lip balm.  I'd been making it worse.  I felt terrible.  What a sucky mom.  But Sam didn't care.  He did think it was gross though that I put aquaphor on him at bedtime.  I'll have to get him his very own non -red 40 chapstick some time.  But his face is looking so much better today! 

The weather took a turn for the better.  It was really warm, but tremendously windy when we were out in the early afternoon.  By the time Daddy got home from work it was nice enough for a couple big boys to play outside.  They've really been loving to go out and play in the driveway as the weather has felt so much more springlike, up into the 50s! 

While I'd been home chilling in the morning, I got to online chat with my sister in law, and I found out Lexi had a orchestra concert last night.  Well, it was the ISSMA Ensemble Contest.  She said that Lexi performed at 5:25.  We actually hadn't had any plans this evening.  Chris had been invited to movie night at his school, but he's off screens until spring break, so he was grumpy.  But he loved the idea of seeing Lexi play, Grandma had taken him last year.  I've never seen her play in public.  So as soon as Eric got home, we all piled in the car and dashed.  We pulled into the school parking lot at 5:24, and arrived in the gym just as the Orchestra was to perform. I couldn't see Lexi.  She's a cello, they're hard to miss.  But I scanned and scanned.  I checked in the audience for the fam, but couldn't find them either.  

The orchestra did great, and we applauded every song.  There were 3 quick songs, and when they were over, we left.  I got in the hall and called Amy to find out where she was.  She was at a different school.  We had chosen the wrong school.  Apparently, Alexis was in the Middle School, not the Intermediate School. Oh yes, that's right, I've lost a year of time, she's not in the intermediate school anymore. :( 

What are the odds that at the exact same time in the exact same town, that two middle school orchestras would be performing at the same time, wearing the exact same black Avon shirts!?! 

Oh well, maybe I'll make the next concert.  

So we left.  Yet we found ourselves in Avon, on the main drag, and hungry.  That rarely happens, so we called Mom and Dad to see if they had dinner yet.  Not only hadn't they eaten, they were 1/2 mile ahead of us on the road.  They'd gone to the right school and were on their way to dinner.  So we got to have a yummy dinner at Outback with them, the boys talked geeky, and I got to laugh with Mom.  We haven't seen much of each other lately, and the younger boys and I had missed her.  Turns out she used to make up fiction stories for Eric and Ryan just like Eric does with Chris.  Although hers starred "Ickypoo and Rynyroo".  It was good. And when we left, the sun was setting, turning the clouds beautiful shades of pink.  Even though it was rough, and nothing seemed to go as I planned, they must've gone according to God's plan, because it was still a Good Day.