Thursday, June 7, 2012

Happy Anniversary to Us!


Happy Anniversary to Us!  

Eric and I celebrated 14 years of marriage yesterday.  It's amazing how some of those years seem to have gone by so fast (the ones since the kids were born) and others passed almost slowly.  It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating the Big 5!   Then the Big 10!  A friend asked yesterday where we were going, what we were doing.  Um, Steak-n-Shake?!  With the insanity of the last two years, time off for ourselves has been rare.   Let alone the opportunity to skip town or something like I hear other people do.  However, out of the sky, a miracle in the form of my mother in law, who offered to watch the boys so Eric and I could go on a date.  So we did.  We went to a movie, he took me to see the Avengers.  (In the middle of the week -MADNESS!)  It was as good as it was hyped up to be.  Then we had dinner afterwards, at Thai Lanna, in Avon.  If you haven't been, Go.  So good.  It was a wonderful date night, and we didn't have to share our food, and didn't have anyone interrupting us.  Dinner and a Movie, on the same night, it had been a while.  But we're Blessed to be able to have support nearby as we try to climb out of this valley in which we've found ourselves.  
It occurs to me, that being married to 14 years is pretty darn good, kind of historic.  So I thought I'd impart a few words of wisdom to help you, maybe learn from our bumps in the road.  June 6th is our anniversary, so here's 6 bits of advice.  I suppose 14 would be more Awesome, but I have been trying to think all day about what I'd want to say, and that much just wasn't coming to me.  

1.  Get with GOD.  I didn't really Know God until I got married.  We moved to California, suddenly I had only Eric and God to communicate with.  We got Close.  I still say I need to get Closer.  But if you don't have that base, that Heavenly Support, for both of you to fall back on, then when you hit the rough spots, who else will stand with you? 

2. Talk to Each Other.  Every Day.  Eric and I have talked to each other, either in person, or on the phone Every Day since we started dating.  Even it was 11:58 when he called from a business trip, or 12:01 while I was working the night ship, because we knew we would be busy all the next day.  We talk every day.  Sometimes there isn't much to say, but you have to keep the lines of communication open. 

3.  Remember the Love.  Talk about what brought you together.  We hadn't done this in a long while, but recently we were asked, WHY did we want to date the other person recently, and it got us talking, and remembering, and it was Good.  Recall that good foundation, that love is what brought you together.  Upon that rock we've built our family, this tower of babel, chock full of Crazy.  And the Crazy can get in the way.  Without the good foundation, the tower falls.  

4. Step Out.  I hear tell of people that go on dates weekly.  That's pretty ambitious, but monthly, we can do that.  It doesn't have to be expensive, but it does need to be just you.  There have been months when we didn't get out alone, and they were rougher than the times where we were able to step out, and act like grownups, and not share our food, or cut it up into little bitty pieces...unless we wanted to. 

5. Park.  When Eric and I got engaged, his Grandpa pulled him aside, and gave him some words of wisdom.  He said, don't forget to Park.  Remember when you're dating, and you'd go "parking" and sit in the car for hours, talking about nothing, maybe smooching some too.  OK, mayb smooching a lot.  We had quite a few of those dates when we were dating.  And Grandpa said,  When you're Married, make sure you go out parking, pretty regularly.  Well, regularly doesn't happen, but the rare occasions that we have remembered to heed this advice, we just feel better about talking, uninterrupted, without worldly distractions.  And the smooching is nice too.  ;)

6. Don't be Afraid to ask for Help.  If it takes a Village to raise a child, don't you think it takes at least two to save a marriage?  Sometimes it takes more.  We're not built to do things alone.  Get that wisdom from others who have been there, or the professionals if you feel the need. If you feel like you're fighting all the time, or roomies, just like strangers in the night, only exchanging glances... that's not how it should be.  Sometimes you need help.  I'm not afraid to say that the last couple years have been rough, on me personally, on our marriage, and I'm seeking Help.  I'm better off for it.  So are my kids.  So is my husband.  


Unknown said...

Great post!

Kathy said...

great post! You are smart :)