Sunday, September 30, 2012

What the He*% does that mean?

Everyone has a wonderful story to tell, of when they discovered they were pregnant.  Usually, there's love, and smiles, and tears.  In my home, always tears of Joy.  Christopher's story was a wonderful one, full of surprise for both of us.  Sam's story was equally wonderful, I had suspected, I was feeling tremendously hormonal, but was so happy to surprise Eric by taping the test to the mirror at 5 in the morning, and just waiting for him to wake up, and run across the house.  It's funny, when I think about it,

On Wednesday, we did not know what to think.  Tuesday night, I'd been running with Kathleen, feeling gross and bloaty, and thinking it's time for the good drugs to make me start my cycle.  I have weirdo cycles.  Thus the dealing with Infertility for a decade. But every time I call the doctor, for the drugs or to get in for the weirdness, the first thing she always asks, and I told Kathleen this, "Have you taken a pregnancy test?"  So as we were running, I made a note to get to the store the next day to pick one up.  However, I started feeling really crappy, my sore throat had become sniffles too.  I did not feel like going to the store.  At the end of the day, after the kids were down, Eric felt bad for me.  I had such intentions  of Productivity.

So he ran to the store for me and bought some tests.  Kroger - the pregnancy test.  For the record.
In an effort to just get it out of the way.  I took the test.  Imagine my surprise when this was the result I received.

Isn't it kind that they print the key right there on the pregnancy test?  So nice that they tell you what it should look like.  Than what the hell have I got?!

It's not a plus sign.  It's not a negative line.  Looks to me like I have two parallel lines and a false baseline.  What the hell does that mean?  I had no idea.  I stared at it for 3 minutes.  Because you're  supposed to give it a few, this was what flared up right away.  I didn't get it.  

And instead of the romantic reveal that every wife wants to give her husband, I called mine into the bathroom pointed at the pee stick and asked, "What the hell does this mean?"  

He didn't know either.  So I did the next logical thing.  I took a picture, and emailed to my sister, who is familiar with all manner of quirky things uterine.  She didn't know what to make of it either.  She wanted me to take another test...from a different box.  (Eric got 2 boxes.  We don't mess around, we bulk up when buying pgc tests.  We go through them. Sad but true  Used to get the Sam's club cases of them, but they stopped selling them.  Meh, we switched to Costco.)  Anyway, she and I yapped a while until I had to pee again.  Meanwhile Eric looked up on the internet, and he found somewhere that said if you're 'so pregnant, the dye gets all sucked up by the hcg line' leaving no dye for the baseline.  What the heck does that mean, "So Pregnant?"?!?!?

An hour or so later, I took another test, it had a bit more of a baseline.  So, we called it a Positive....kind of.


Anonymous said...

You've probably already had this discussion, but it just occurred to me after reading your blog: well, of course your pregnancy test was "SO pregnant" - not because you were having twins, but because you were 4 weeks further along than you thought! Usually you take a pregnancy test in the very early stages of pregnancy - not this time! :) Kathleen

Cathy Willman said...

Absolutely Right! That was our thought right after they told us how far along we were.