It's A Boy!

Ready to have a baby!

Today is the day.  

The last day that I'll be pregnant.  

So I asked Daddy to take some pictures of me with my boys.  

Not too shabby.  I love that Sam wants to constantly tickle the baby from inside my belly button.  

Getting Artsy! 

I just love this one.  

37th week, Stepping Out!

Well, we made it to the 37th week.  

These pictures we took last Sunday, as Eric was headed out to Marion.  It felt good to be officially "Term".  

I don't feel Full Term.  I feel like I could bake a little longer.  But it's felt so good to know that this baby has made it as far as Christopher...further even. 

On Tuesday, we went in for our ultrasound pictures.  And he was transverse, with his head facing downward.  He had hands in the way and we couldn't get very many cute baby face pictures.  But really, that didn't matter to me.  It does my heart such good to see his heart beating, and feel him wiggling, just seeing him on the screen at all gives me Comfort that he's doing OK.  Eric took me out for a date lunch at Yen Ching to celebrate how well we are all doing...and because he won the guess how big the baby contest last week, when we didn't have time/energy to pick a nice place for a date like lunch.  We were thinking it may be our last date for a while.  Gotta make hay while the sun shines.  And anymore I only get out to go to the doctor.  

So, on Tuesday when all they could get were pictures of his fingers and fingernails, I was OK with that. 

Little baby dagger claws!  Already!!  

On Thursday, I didn't just get out to go to the doctor!  Eric went to work a little late, to take me to Sam's school for his Circus Program, so both of us were able to attend! 

The kids have been working on their circus skills for weeks.  Last week, Eric took Sam to see the Circus, (Murat Shriner) at the Fairgrounds.  They saw elephants, dogs and trapeze artists all do their tricks.  But I'm sure all of that wasn't nearly as adorable as these kids showing off their skills.   

Sam was doing Forward Rolls...Unassisted.   Brother still doesn't do that.  And when we took the semester off from gymnastics this spring, I didn't think he'd be making progress in school.  But oh yes!  They had him doing a balance beam, pretending to be a trick pony up on a block, and jumping around.  It was Enchanting! 

At the end, the kids broke out the parachute and flipped blocks around.  Sam had so much fun, and so did I.  

I was so glad that for once, I was feeling good enough, (and my BP was good enough) that I could get out to play!  Of course, even though all I did was sit in my wheelchair for an hour, it was enough.  Eric had to take me home, and I crashed.  Fell asleep on the couch - I NEVER do that.   It was a 2 nap day.  

The next day, Friday, was a bonkers day. 

Eric had his surgery.  Mom came for him at 7 in the morning and took him downtown for his sinus surgery.  Unfortunately, we had flood warning, we'd gotten rained dumped all over us for 3 days, and they gave us a 2 hour delay for flooding.  So I had to entertain the boys for a couple hours.  Well, that didn't last long, I managed to get Sam dressed...with Chris's help, before grounding Chris to his room.  I was exhausted by the time Kathleen arrived at 8:45.  The little kids played for a bit before they hit the road, and Erica arrived to take me to the doctor, but we sat and visited for a while first.  It was so nice to have some girl talking time!  Erica arrived just as they took Eric back into surgery.  What a Blessing to have Eric's Mom around to take care of him, and send me updates, and bug the staff there to take good care of him, since I couldn't.  They did a great job! Eric was out of surgery by the time I was ready to go to my OB appointment. 

Erica was wonderful to have around.  She enjoyed seeing her nephew on the screen too.  

Once again the baby hid his face with his hands and feet, but this time we got a really neat picture of the fact that you can't see his face because he has 2 hands and a foot in the way.  

Little maniac. 

 Another cool shot we got, while trying to see his little face.  His Ear.  It's practically perfect already.

My Blood Pressure was a bit high in the office, 130/100, which isn't bad but it's the highest it's been in office for a while.  So we decided to up my drugs from 5-600 mg labetalol.  The Dr. also said he'd confer with my doc about moving up the c-section from May 3rd to a bit sooner.  I don't care, all I want is to not have a baby this weekend.  Let's let Eric recover from his surgery first!  That's what I told the doc, I just don't want it this weekend.  Eric does look a whole lot better than he did after the last surgery he had, he's still loaded up on narcotics, and it would just not be good for me to be having surgery too.  
Mom took the boys overnight, and popped by with them today, so we got to see them, get drive by hugs and didn't have to worry about the physical effects of taking care of them.  She's keeping them most of the weekend.  Though we both have headaches, and my bp doesn't want to calm down, neither one of us has much energy to really get off the couch.  I'm thinking it's not going to be much longer until our little maniac joins us.

The 36th week

How Time Flies when we're having fun...or something like it.   

This last week has been another crazy one.   My belly has started contracting, mostly Braxton-Hicks, which people say aren't painful, but really, they can be.  In my case, this week, they haven't been too bad, I can tell my body is just revving up for the inevitable.  The problem lies when Baby starts stretching out and irritating my already irritable uterus.  That's not been fun.  It really takes my breath away.   Even the boys comment now, is Baby J not being nice?!  Is he kicking you?  They think it's funny how much personality their baby brother already exhibits while still inside my tummy.  Sam is particularly hysterical.  This week he started tickling my belly in an effort to jump start his baby brother.  What's really hysterical is how Sam will stick his little index finger into my belly button and wiggle it around to tickle the baby.  Sure, a belly button is easy access.  

I finished watching Alias and took up watching Call the Midwife, a British miniseries set in the early 50s in poor eastside London.  It's Great, Well-Done, and Addictive.   But I've decided that it is too much pregnancy stuff for me to watch.  The tragic parts don't bother me so much, I'm not catastrophizing..yet, I'm just feeling woefully unprepared.  Good thing my body knows what to do.  I was talking to Lisa about it, about how my Birth Plan simply consists of Go have a c-section.  Just keep going to the doctor until they say Go.  She said, I can't decide if you are High maintenance or Low maintenance?

This week, I'm declaring myself kind of low maintenance...at least as far as the doctors are concerned.  I went in Monday for an Ultrasound.  I didn't see a doctor, which I must tell you, I don't like those days as much, they don't take my BP, which frankly is my worry.  But they do check the baby, and they score him based on how well he does his tricks.  I learned this week, he is up for 8 possible points, 2 each for heart rate, breathing movements, tone (stretching each limb and I think how many times he boxes a bladder or kicks my ribs) and fluid, they check to see the quantity of amniotic fluid.  He scored perfectly.  And he was head down this week too, which is good.  But he has one leg up and head down, so he really his Boxing my bladder and kicking my ribs, not just euphemistically  Not that it makes much of a difference for a c-section, but it's easier on the doctor apparently to pull him out head first.  

He's still sweet, and growing, and full of cheeky cuteness. 

Can you see how much he loves to keep his hand up by his face?  Every Time!

 

Now in this last one, you can really see how he's got that one leg up by his head, and his arm.   

Mommy's little gymnast!

Did I mention it got  Bloody Hot this week?  I've been hot, and that leads to uncomfortable, which leads to being grumpy, and having very little that is nice to say.   Thus I haven't been writing a lot.  It got up to 80 and Tuesday I just lay like broccoli, I didn't know why until I had dreadful issues at naptime, it was so gross and hot in the house.  It didn't occur to me to open windows, and turn on all fans until the evening.  I've never been this pregnant in the heat.  Both previous boys all the heat came while I had morning sickness, which is also not fun, but this being 900 million months ass pregnant when it's getting to 80 is Very Uncool.  

Frankly I'm feeling like he can come any time now, because I have been uncomfortable enough with the BP issues, the shortness of breath, I don't think I can take hot and sweaty too.  My camel is very full and we just don't need any more straws.  

We go in twice a week for ultrasounds/non-stress tests, to see how I'm doing.  I saw the doctor on Wednesday too.  This was also a really good visit.  In his Ultrasound Baby did all the things he should do, PLUS every two weeks they do an estimate of his weight.  His estimated weight was 6 pounds and 13 ounces!  I couldn't believe it had been such growth...that's a bit more than an ounce a day.  Must be the Gatorade! 

But his cheeks are sure filling out.  And his head was still down, cuddled up with that one leg.  

In addition, my blood pressure was 110/75.  I was so surprised that I made them check it twice.  I really didn't believe them.  I was a little shaky at the time, but perhaps that old normal is my new low.  Though really overall, I have been feeling pretty decent this week.  So as long as my pee is still good, I'm going to run with it.  I feel like I'm just waiting to start pushing protein.  And we have no idea when that's going to happen, so we try to continue our lives, but it's really hard when there's this giant On Call thing going on all the time.   I have trouble planning much more than a day or two in advance.  But this week, we made a Decision.  

Eric's ENT feels he needs surgery.   His head is full of snot and crap again, and they did a CT scan, and they feel he needs to get roto-rootered. Understandable, Eric's headaches are back, and he's not too much with the thinking.  The last surgery didn't fix it all.   So we're going to go for it.  We're scheduling his surgery for next Friday.  It's a risky bet, betting that we can get Eric fixed up before the baby comes.  But we figure easier to do it now, rather than later.  Pray it goes that way.  

Feeling More Human

Yesterday we had another ultrasound appointment, and visited with my OB.  This time I didn't feel as crummy as earlier in the week.  We dropped the boys off with Janelle at the Children's Museum which Thrilled them to No End.  And I thought the extra long drive would wear me out, but we went into the museum, and I got to take a picture of the boys, so that broke up the trip.  And I was feeling good that they were having a good time, and I wasn't feeling as gross as earlier in the week.   Maybe because I spent the greater part of the week horizontal, or maybe it was that we stopped at Starbucks on our way north.  We'd given up Starbucks for Lent, so it was an extra special treat for us to get some Drinks and Drive.  ;) 

Either way, my BP was nice at 120/70, best in a while.  And my OB keeps saying my pee is still good, I'm not pushing protein.  I'm still high risk for pre-eclampsia, and with the high blood pressure already she's watching Closely.  She's doing a great job keeping an eye on me.   I appreciate that.  I am so Grateful she doesn't think I'm crazy.  I feel like everyone looks at me like I'm a little crazy, the woman who's been on bedrest JUST a little Too long.  And maybe so...but I don't think I'm crazy, I'm not making any of this up - flakey, yes, uncomfortable, oh yes, but no crazier than before I got pregnant.   I've got some increased swelling, but that doesn't seem as terrible as it was last week.  I told my doc that I was the Bloat Princess, and she laughed.  I feel like I'm gaining all kinds of weight, most of my pants are uncomfortable, but the scale didn't move much this week, still I'm at 249 at home, and I didn't want to get above 250, that's where my body tends to poop out.  Maybe that's why I've been feeling so crummy this week, I was bordering it.  Still, I'm not feeling bad today, and I didn't yesterday, so that's Something.  It could be any time now, and I think Eric and I are adjusting to that.  We've been not getting our hopes up for so long, it's kind of nice to get our hopes up.  And kind of nice that we can't make any plans for more than a day or two in advance, because we Just Don't Know.

As always, they took some photos of our Sweetboy for me to bring home.  He's looking really good, gaining some weight in his cheeks I see.  And he is looking more and more like his brothers everyday.  

If you're wondering why his eyes look a little funky in this picture, it's because they were open.  Guess he's going to be a pro at opening his eyes underwater just like his biggest brother.   

Perspective

Can you believe I've made it to 35 weeks?! 

Yeah, me neither.  I feel a lot closer to full term.  

I haven't felt like saying much, because I just haven't felt good.  I have spent the greater part of this week laying down, because I get swirly and pressure when I sit up too long.  My ankles no longer taper.  I'm lucky if I can find my anklebones by sight, they've been missing for most of this week, another reason I've been laying down a lot more.  It's hard to get on the computer when lying down all the time. So I've been watching   tv, but sometimes I don't even feel like doing that, how's that for a sad state of affairs.  I can't focus enough to read.  I feel bitchy pretty much all the time, and I just haven't had the heart to write down all the crappiness that has been going with the good times.  I haven't been able to have clear thoughts, which I know is my blood pressure acting up, and those few coherant thoughts that I have had aren't generally good ones.  I am Thankful to be expecting Baby #3.  I am really Blessed among friends and family that have wanted more children and been unable.  But there are times when I just wonder, God are we Done yet? I am nearing the point where I just want it to be over.  My body has made it perfectly clear this is our last biological child.  And I'm Tired.  I'm tired of not being able to breathe, or sleep comfortably, or walk, or cook, or take care of my family in any way.  I need someone to care for me.  It's getting springy and pretty outside, and I just want to go for a walk around the block with my family, or go to the Zoo Gardens and take pictures of flowers, with my boys.  I'm tired of getting angry, at people that love me but that in my pregnancy pickled brain I judge to be inconsiderate and rude. I'm tired of being in pain.  I'm tired of saying things that I can't believe came out of my mouth.  I'm tired of being picky as hell about food.  I want to have my iron stomach back.  Sam pooped yesterday, and it blew up his back, and I nearly threw up, and of course, I couldn't do a darn thing about cleaning him/the mess up either.  I'm tired of yelling at the kids because they won't come, and are fighting with each other.  Yelling hurts, and sets my belly to contracting, but they don't hear me, or choose not to hear me.  I wish I had the energy to appropriately spoil them as they deserve to be spoiled on their Spring Break. I want to play with them. But I can't even maneuvre shoes to watch them.  I had such dents in my ankles from my shoes this weekend, and even my ankle-less socks are leaving dents in my ankles, that my body has made it clear that it's sandal weather for me, whether it's actually sandal weather or not.  It makes me feel springy to put on my sandals...until I go outside and my feet freeze.  

Blessedly, we've brought our friend Janelle, who is a youth from our church that has been helping us out after school, and we have had her over all week long, for the boys while they are on spring break.  She's been kind enough to get the kids out of the house, to have some Fun, but I'm jealous, because I Can't.  And it's so Frustrating to practically need a sitter for ME now too!  

Tuesday, I went in for my OB appt, and I felt so terrible, that when they found Nothing wrong with me, I was saddened.  For a bit anyway.  My urine was fine, my BP was a little low in office, so that maybe explained why I felt so passy-outy.  But I just felt Done.  I guess I've been waiting for the Next Step, whatever that may be, for so long, waiting for that other shoe to drop, I'm just ready for it to happen already, so I can deal with it.  I'm flexible, I can take what comes, I just kind of want it to hurry up and Come already.   

"Perspective, Yo" as my sister would say.

But it's good that they send me home with pictures - pictures showing me my sweetboy, and reminding me why I'm doing what we're doing.  At the end of all this, we'll have a new addition to our family.  Last night, Chris and I, over chocolate cake, we discussed what we were most looking forward to after the baby comes home.  Chris wants to hold him, and carry him (we'll see), and can't wait to "help", and I couldn't wait to hear all three of my boys laugh together.  2 boys laughing is my current favorite sound, how amazing will 3 be! And we imagined all three of them playing dress up, and we daydreamed about what Superheroes they would all pretend to be.  It was so nice to talk about it.  I've been hesitant to dream too much, so afraid of all the things that can go wrong, that I sit here now, realizing, we really are over so many of the hurdles, we may Actually be able to bring this baby home.  And it felt good to focus on the Joy of it.  Really, Christopher has been the most enthusiastic of all of us.  He really is going to be a Wonderful Big Brother.  Sam may be in for culture shock for a bit, but he'll get used to it.  Sam has a Wonderful big brother to teach him how it's done, and I'm sure he'll be very good at it too.

In his pictures, he's looking like a real baby - Cheeks that are getting fat enough that I want to pinch them.  

It's moments like that, seeing his sweet face, or sitting and daydreaming about what games my three boys will play, or how he will sound when he laughs that give me Perspective, and get my mind back on track.

Oh Yes Lord, That's Why.  Thank you. 

Worth a busy Good Friday

This day just snuck away from me.  That just seems to happen on busy days, and this was one of our busiest lately.  We got started first thing this morning...or rather second thing this morning.  I couldn't sleep from 4-6:30 am, when I finally fell back asleep, no one else in the house woke up until 8:45.  It was 9 before we got downstairs, and I realized there would be no time for breakfast.  We were behind the 8 ball for the rest of the day.  We got everyone dressed, and into the car, and opted to drive thru McDonald's on the way to Mom's.  She was kind enough to watch the 3 of us, Chris, Sam, and I, while Eric had a CT scan for his head this morning.  He didn't get to choose the time, he was told when to show up, at 10 in Avon.  And I knew bringing the boys into a doctor's office, with Me in charge was unwise.  So we went to Mom's.  Only once Eric got us settled then got there and got all his paperwork in order, they told him it was going to be an hour wait.  Not going to happen, we had to be in Carmel for an ultrasound at 11:45.  So back to Mom's he came, with a follow up appointment for 2:30.  Although not originally in the plan, Mom offered to watch the boys while Eric and I headed north.  For once we were actually the specified 10 minutes early for our appointment.  Not that it mattered, there was an hour wait there too. Boo.  Luckily, I'd had a huge breakfast at 9:30, and packed a giant gatorade.  

The tech that was sick and mean on Monday wasn't there, that made our visit much more pleasant. 

I mean, who can resist, This profile?! 

And his face, that little nose, elflike, the gal said.  We just thought he looks like his brothers.  

Gimme kiss baby!  

And a little smile from Mr. Mona Lisa.  

Once again he had a hand and a foot by his head, our little contortionist, love these little monkey toes.  Yeah, he's going to be just like his brothers all right! 

The best part was that he weighed in at an estimated 5 pounds, 12 ounces!  They are only estimating weight every 2 weeks, because it can fluctuate up to a half a pound in either direction, but still over 5 pounds already, that was Great News!  News I'll take.  His heartrate was great, but he didn't feel like moving as much as usual.  I don't blame him, I was feeling rather gross myself, had to actually roll over and lay on my side a bit at the end of the ultrasound, and started getting hot flashes again.  The tech went for some sort of Stimulator, that is supposed to vibrate on my belly to get him moving.  He wasn't really feeling like moving.  I guess it was as simple as that.  She used it, and he was totally and utterly unphased.  He did eventually do all the tricks that they want, but on his own time. 

 Little Trickster Indeed! 

My BP was a dash high, 130/100, typical to what I've been seeing at home on the new wrist blood pressure cuff Eric had gotten me, but not enough to worry the doc.  We kept the meds the same, and my urine was still clean.  She did order some bloodwork to check that All things were OK.  Haven't heard back, so we figure they are fine.  

Once we were out of the OBs, we called Mom to check in, thinking we would have enough time for lunch, we opted to go eat at the Panera by the Trader Joe's, thinking we could pick up some red 40 free items for a certain sweetboy for a holiday weekend.  The crowds in the parking lot were insane, so we Trader Joes' first.  Apparently, Good Friday is a Good Day to go to the doctor and the store, because everyone was out on the roads.  We got the Very Last box of Jelly Beans in the place.   And the lines to checkout were so long, we realized we weren't going to have any time to go sit for lunch, before Eric's naptime CT scan. So we bought a box of peanut butter granola bars while we were in line, and ate them in the car on the way to the CT place.  Mom held on to the boys, and Eric did not drop me off, our plan was for all of us to go home and rest.  Nope.  We ate granola bars for lunch in the car.  And I learned the ride from Carmel to Avon is just a bit more than I can handle.  Mom's to Carmel I could handle, but not all the drive back.  I did OK in the place, since it was just me, Eric parked me with a magazine and got his test.  He has a follow up next week.  We snagged the kids and didn't get home until almost 4.  And I was so done when we got home, that I was the only one that napped.  And I've spent the rest of the night on the couch, because my ankles were so swollen by the end of the day, that the swelling is literally overlapping my heels.  So gross, and absolutely exhausting.  But at least the Baby is still OK, and looks like he's going to keep baking a little more.  Time to celebrate Easter weekend at our house! 

Baby is fine, but hysterical crying doesn't really work for me

Now, back to going to the OB twice a week.  Ugh.  I'm really not a fan of this.  Mostly because, I don't like having to get out of the house.  Most of the time, it just isn't worth the pain and discomfort.  I was giving exception to OB visits for a very long time, because I LOVE to see the Baby, and Love to see him doing so well.  Well, he's so big now, it's real easy to feel that he's doing just fine.  Still, I do enjoy seeing his sweet little Sweetboy face on screen.   

And this week, I thought it would be Swell, because Chris is on Spring Break, so it would be his first time to see his Baby Brother on screen too.  Two weeks ago was Sam's first time.  I feel better about taking them, when I am pretty sure that things are fine with the baby.  When it was touch and go, I didn't want the boys there, in case things were Not Fine.  Neither Eric nor I consciously said we were worried about it, or not wanting the boys there, just in case, but we didn't we didn't want them there.  Now it's OK.  Or at least, more OK.  

I hit 34 weeks this week, and he's getting bigger.  :)

Our appointment today was at a lovely time, 10 am, we could make that with everyone, not on a school day.  We just didn't take into consideration that we got 6 inches of Snow overnight.  Eric shoveled us out, and I got the rest of us dressed and into the car, we were pulling out of the driveway at 9:30...it would have Just worked out.  Except for the pickup truck that was stuck on our street.  And Eric, being wonderful, hopped out to give this guy a hand.  Only, it wasn't just a guy.  It was a kid.  A kid in a pickup, that he clearly was having issues with driving on the snow.  So Eric spent 15 minutes trying to get this kids truck off and running. Not happening.  So I called the OBs office, and told them we were going to be late.  I figured this was more kind than the treatment they gave us telling us they were running an hour behind (10 minutes before our appt time) not calling us until we were in the parking lot.  

So I called them.  I asked if other people were having trouble getting there with the weather too.  They said they were booked up, as long as we could get there before 10:30.  I didn't see that being a problem, so we continued on.  And we got there about 10:15.  Apparently while I was in giving my urine sample, the tech came by and grumped at Eric about being late, told us we'd have to wait a bit.  That was fine, we had all of us together, so it wasn't like last week when we had to get home to the kids.  So we went and waited for a while, they squeezed us in at about 10:45.  Then the Tech lost her every loving mind.  She got me on the table, gooing up my belly, then stood and lectured us for 15 minutes.  I was like, If you just DID THE TEST, we'd be long gone by now, and you wouldn't have to gripe anymore about how Late I'm making you.  I kept saying OK, I understand, just to shut her up.  Only it didn't.  And she started in on Eric...Again.  And she was not listening to what we were saying.  It was clear she wasn't feeling well either.  And I think she'd lost her filter.  I was polite.  It took everything I had to keep being polite.  

Only it started to affect me, and that's when I started to lose it.  It had been a long day for me too.  

I'd woken up at 5 a.m. to Sam tossing and turning in my bed, and I couldn't go back to sleep...I played on the computer a bit, and Sam woke up for the day at 6:30.  He and I talked, giggled, but then I started getting a little dizzy and went to lay down. Only the dizzy got worse.  I had to call Eric to tend to Sam, and they went down for breakfast...that was 7:30....I woke up at 9:15.  Yeah, I fell flat back to sleep.  I don't do that.   That's so not normal for me.  And then I scrambled to get the kids out the door too.  All that rush to get lectured about my tardiness?!  And they didn't even Bloody take my Blood Pressure!  I was mad.  And when I get upset (these days), no good comes of it.  My belly gets painfully tight, I get light headed.  Crying is really bad, because it so moves into hyperventilating, and contractions.  It's bad.  So I try really hard not to put myself in situations where I cry.  This may make me seem like a selfish bitch, because it may seem I'm not thinking about anyone but myself.  People pushing me to dwell on how our situation impacts them, and how selfish we're being.  Well, I'm not.  I'm thinking about my baby.  Me and the Baby, and that's about it.  That's my job right now, that's all I can handle.  

And I don't do well when I get pushed.  And the tech pushed.  And I started getting light headed.  I had Eric give me the rest of my gatorade, and I ordered her to start the test before I passed out.  She did.  But she was not Joyful.  And of course, the baby wasn't as up to doing all his Cute tricks, he knows when Mommy isn't doing well.  

At least we got these:  

Sweet baby boy cuddled up to the uterine wall.  

He really loves to keep his hand in front of his face.  

Chris asked why his hand was in his face, I said that's how Baby J liked to sleep.  Chris asked why Baby was Gray? (Just like Sam did a couple weeks ago) We explained that's how they take pictures.  The boys were cute for about a minute.  Then they started nit picking, fighting over the same chair...probably because she'd taken so long in getting the test started.  They were over it, I was over it.  I put them in Timeout. I started to get really light headed.  I could feel the Heatwave that comes with one of those vasovagal episodes.  Sweat broke out.   This one was surely set off by laying on my back for so long AND being upset.  So I made her hurry up for her counts and whatnot, and then I called for ice water. All I wanted in the world was to get Out of that room.  I wanted to take All My Boyz home.  

Once we were outside, once I was seated, drinking some water, I started to feel better.   But I had thought we'd have this great visit to the OB, all 4 of us watching the best show on tv ever, and then we'd go to a lovely family lunch.  Yeah, didn't happen.   It was more of a "Lot of stuff happened and I cried all the way home sort of visit", without all the crying, because I need to be an insensitive bitch. 

It was the Worst OB appt we'd had.  Didn't even see a doctor, just the tech, and she was pissy the whole time. It was bad.  I see my doctor again on Friday, but if the same tech dares to say one word that isn't I'm Sorry, she's going to get an earful.  

But the Baby was OK.  And I feel him moving around, and I Know he's doing OK.  I have to focus on that.  Big Picture Right?  Perspective, Yo.  

Five Things that don't necesarily suck about being on bedrest

Now finishing my 4th full month of bedrest, I found I needed to sit down and find a few perks of this situation.

5.  Church Lady home cooking.  The last couple months the Bell Choir has alternated bringing us a meal once a week.  I'm talking homemade Fluff Salads, brownies, casseroles.  And you know church ladies, it's never just one meal's worth.  It's been a Godsend.

4.  Freezer Cooking! Cooking is really hard right now.  After working all day, and keeping us alive, Eric doesn't have the energy for it, and I'm useless.  But one weekend a month, he'll cook up a storm for our freezer cooking group.  We make 7 copies of the same meal, buying in bulk, and then go to the meeting and Trade, and we have a freezer full of 7 different meals.  Now I haven't felt up to always going to the meetings, but when I do, it's good to feel normal and bond with my gals.  And 7 meals lasts longer than just 7 days. This crew and the church folks have kept us Fed for the last 4 months.  Other wise our budget would be all kinds of blown by going out. The kids love McDonald's.  Along the same lines of how we don't feel like cooking, we've inadvertantly started a trend of going to McDonald's after church on Sundays and often during the week.  I didn't think I'd ever get tired of McDonald's after our early Riley days with Chris.  But we do.  Thank goodness for the Freezer Cooking gals.  Their goodies are keeping me sane!

3.  Just Say No.  After 4 full months of this, I'm getting really good at saying No.  If I think I'll feel worse at the end of doing something, I say No.  And it's OK.  It's taught me a lesson.  I can Say No.  I can say No, and the world won't end.  My kids won't suffer long term damage because we didn't go to the late night school Thing, or because we didn't take that third class, or because we all didn't pack up to be tortured at that other activity.  I stopped caring how it makes You Feel.  I've spent the greater part of my life being unconfrontational.  Don't rock the boat.  Be a good girl.  Don't be mean.  Don't add to any fights between already existing fights between people you care about.  I was once accused as a teenager of only thinking about myself, "Self! Self! Self!"  was what this yelled at me.  Looking back on it now, Duh, I was teenager.  That was Nothing. But looking back on it now, I cared a whole lot more back then about what other people thought about me, and I didn't want to hurt their feelings or offend them. I spent much more time worrying about it than I do now.  For once in my life, it IS all about me.  Actually, it's all about this Baby.  And as hard as it's been for me to not be sensitive to others, I can't get worked up about it any more.  It's taken me a while to see this as a Good Thing.  I felt Insensitive that I was having to choose between what's best for this baby and my body, and my family and doing what someone else wanted.  Getting upset, crying hysterically, is So Bad for me right now, it's not even funny.  I had a hysterical crying fit last week, when someone I cared about suggested we put someone else's priorities before our own.  It made me sicker to get upset about it, and to try to figure out logistics in our current situation of prioritizing someone else than to just ignore them and say No.

2. I don't Have to get up.  When the kids wake up, loud noises, bad dreams, they all set my uterus to contracting immediately upon waking.  So Eric gets up with them.  It was very hard to get used to not popping up whenever someone cries, or wakes first thing.  But now that I've relinquished that control, I have begun to enjoy that I can (need to) lay there a while before climbing out of bed.  And the kids have both learned to come to me when they need comfort.  The best mornings are when I wake to children, and start tensing up, and can lay there, and even fall back to sleep for a half an hour or so before getting up.  Makes me calmer in the mornings.

1.  You learn who Really Loves you.  Since this has all happened, I really have found out who my friends are. The ones that still call or write, months later, even when I'm not up to doing so, or doing anything in return, they still call, they still check in, they still offer or just come by with some sort of help.  We've been blessed with people bringing food, Still, and people offering a simple hour or two of their time to move shit around or do laundry, just sit and talk with me, and make me feel like a friend too, like a functional member of society instead of just a mooch.  Friends or family that borrow the boys so that Eric can actually get some work done while he's supposed to be 'working from home'.  In the beginning, we were overflowed with offers of Help.  But then a lot of those "helpers" failed in follow through.  I know their intentions were Good.  I know mine would have been, but after getting stood up, 2, 3, 4 times, I stop trying.  I can't obsess about this. This has been one of the Worst times in my life, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy for half time friends.  Suddenly, I find my inner circle smaller, filling it only with people that have helped us out more than once, or people that Get It. If you don't have time to love me, or help me, or check in with me,  I don't have time for your fakeness, and I certainly don't have the energy for you.  And doing that has actually eliminated a lot of stress in my life, and make me take note of who really cares for me, for us.  And I Thank God for those people. So much so I really realize how Blessed I am.

Let's Go Bulldogs!

Now, if you know anything about me, you know I'm a Butler Bulldog, and I bleed Blue and White.  I'm also a wee bit wacky when it comes to my superstitions during the NCAA tournament.  Every year during tournament time (well, since Butler made it to the NCAA) we go to our friends Mike and Kathleen's to watch the game.  We eat Queso and chips, and York Peppermint Pieces (because they are blue and white).  And if the team starts losing because someone stood up, or sat down, or stopped eating, then we Quick, change that behavior.  Yeah, we're a little nutty.  But it only is weird if it doesn't work. ;) 

Which lately, it does.  

So on Thursday, I was feeling historically good enough to drive.  My team was playing at 12:45.   So I drove to Kathleen's after Sam got out of preschool.  I had an afternoon appointment at the OB, and had to save my energy, so I relied on friends to get him in and out of the car, and we drove thru for lunch, and that drive was All I could handle there for a couple hours.  Blessedly, once I got there I could lounge on their couch for a while, and Just Chill.

Our friend Bohl took a long lunch, and met us to watch the game.  We're both Expecting, about 3 months apart, and both of us are having little baby bulldog boys.  So please excuse the Dueling Bellies picture.  I just can't resist.  

My friend Melissa got me this adorable onesie for Baby, and I took it with us.  After all, this game, was the closest we've gotten to going to a game all Season.  We usually try to make it to a game at Hinkle every year, but this year, with me on bedrest, it was just happening.  And during the regular season games, every time I turned on the TV, we'd start to lose, so I stopped watching, to not jinx the team.  You're Welcome. 

But we figured, the jinx was over for tournament play.  So I could go and watch. 

So I brought Baby's First Bulldog shirt with us, and put it as close to on him as it would get. 

And we won!

So, we made it to the next round, and on Saturday, Butler was playing at 7:45 pm.  Notoriously NOT my time.  Evenings stink for me.  And I haven't been able to travel very far.  But I wanted to try.  It would have been so depressing to watch the game at home alone.  And it might have jinxed us too.  Blessedly, my friends reserved a large cushy spot for me to take over their couch if I needed to, even inviting me to stay the night, in case I couldn't make the trip home.  So we packed up all our yahoos in their Butler garb, and went over to continue the good juju for Saturday's game.  

The boys were adorable in their Butler garb.  

Just like me, they firmly believe that Butler is the Only Team to root for.  

Chris and Emily became our Cheerleaders during commercial breaks.  

And I have to tell you, they were so much more entertaining than the halftime honeys we used to have back when we were in the Pep Band.  I'm not biased, our kids just Rock.  

But many things went wrong there at the end, and we just couldn't fix it.   And I didn't go into labor, or have terrible contractions from the stress of the game, and we made the trip back home safe and sound.  I did eat myself into discomfort though, because as long as I was stuffing chips and queso into my face, we were doing well.  But my belly has limited capacity, and I had trouble there at the end.  Whether it was because I wasn't eating enough queso, or Eric was left standing in the kitchen too long, or the collective gasps in the arena changed the air pressure enough so that the ball just wouldn't go into the basket, I don't know what it was.  We just lost. By 2 points.  Snarf.   Not all our happy juju could undo it.  But we gave it a good fight, just as we always do. Sorry.  

Back in my day, Butler was a little no name school no one had ever heard of, now we're not so much the Cinderella, Underdog story so much anymore, and we push the limits Every Year.    Our hearts are still like the little Engine that could.  And one day, we will prove it, all the way to the Top.  We don't just think we can, we Know we can.  

Sweet Baby Boy

This week we've Upgraded.  Upgraded to going in Twice a week.  Twice a week we drive up to Carmel to be seen, do an ultrasound, biophysical profile, and make sure Baby and I are doing OK.    My BP was a little funky when we went in on Tuesday, for me of late anyway, it was 95/70, which is not bad, but as my doctor says, that's WHY we're watching, still a little low.  And I've been feeling pretty swirly.  We upped the meds last week, going from 200 mg 2x a day, to 300 mg 2x a day.  And now I think it's bringing it too low, because I'm feeling Swirly.  I thought the 600 wasn't working.  So I discussed it with my doctor, and we decided to bring me down to 500.  I was worried I might be too high that way, but she said, better to be a little high then low.    

And we checked the baby, who, as always, was doing wonderfully.  They counted his breath movements (who knew that was a thing?!), made sure all his limbs were moving, counted the amount of liquid space available, it was wild.  

And he was Cute.  Even the tech commented on how Good a baby he was.  

I loved that, he's such a good baby and he's not even here yet.  

They got some pretty neat pictures for us, his cheeks are starting to fill out.  

He looks so much like his brothers.  First, he looks like Sam, then in another angle, he looks just like Chris.  

This is the Product we make.  

On Thursday we went back in, our visit wasn't quite as wonderful.  We were arriving (with Sam) in the parking lot, when we got a call, that they were running At Least an hour behind for ultrasounds.   I blew up.  I lost it.  It was bad enough our appointment was at 3:30, Clearly we didn't have much choice on that.  They said they didn't have anyone in on Friday, and it was Thursday or Thursday.  Those are the 1 day Eric's supposed to work - so they can include him in meetings.  He had a 9, 11, 1 oclock meeting, and I had to kidnap him to have him in Carmel by 3:30.  Oh yeah, we were peeved.  Sitting there parked in the parking lot, convinced the baby was fine, we almost left.  Graciously (and obviously accustomed to dealing with crazy, nap-deprived pregnant women) the staff offered to give me a non-stress test instead of the ultrasound, so we did.  We were already all the way up there.  And Sam and I were being deprived of our afternoon naps, we might as well make use of it.  So we did.  

We went in and they hooked me up to the machine.  My BP was OK, like 130/90, I think, nothing terrible. It's a lot easier to find him in my uterus now, and we listened to his heartbeat, and watched him on the monitor.  They gave me a little clicker with a button to push every time I felt him move.  To sum up an awesome half an hour, he boxed me 57 times in 30 minutes.  He's a Maniac!    And Sam thought it was hysterical every time I pushed the button.  He was doing fine.  And a doctor popped in, and we talked about if we need to tweak my meds, but my pee was still clear and she thought my BP was not anything to worry about.  I'm glad, because I was actually having a pretty decent week, I had felt good enough to drive.  TWICE!  On Tuesday night, I felt good enough to drive myself to Freezer Cooking Night, and on Thursday, I drove myself (and had help picking up Sam) to Kathleen's to watch the Bulter game.  Check me out, finally feeling good enough to get out of the house.  Gotta make hay while the sun shines.  Gotta get out while I feel good, because there are still plenty of icky days, so we need to take advantage of the good ones.  And luckily, this week was full of good ones. 

Most importantly, the Baby was doing well.  All is Well.  

The One Day a Week

 It had been a Week since I'd gotten out of the house.  But I'd been feeling so crummy, I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere.  It was enough to bathe, or switch floors.  But that's about it.   I didn't mind, I was finishing watching all of the West Wing.  That last season was a doozy.
But I got out on the 15th, and Eric took me to the OB.  We're starting weekly BPPs, or BioPhysical Profiles.     What is that you ask?  Well, they scan the crap out of the baby to make sure he's doing ok.  Initially they said it would be an ultrasound, and a non-stress test (where they plug me in and watch me twitch for 1/2 hour), but the Baby was so accommodating that they decided they didn't need to to the non-stress test too.   They hooked me up to Ultrasound and watched him, counted his breath movements, made sure he was moving all his limbs, and then they measured him to guess his weight.

They pushed the button for us, so we could see the 3D versions of the ultrasounds.  He had his fist to his forehead, and wasn't too interested in moving it while we were taking pictures.  Any other time, he was moving like a maniac. 

Word Up! 

Now this is a picture of his face, we can see his nose and eyes. 

And sorry this one is a little crooked, but oh well.  He's got that fist in front of his face again, but you can see his chin and lips.  His mouth was open.  

Blessedly, nothing showed up in my urine, my BP was 120/80,  just right in the office.  Though I've been getting weird numbers at home.  But my doc says it's ok.  I'll take it, it's been so squirrely, we'll just Watch it.  She did say she wants me to start coming in Twice A Week beginning next week for BPPs, to keep a good eye on the baby.  Although we're booked for a c-section on May 3, neither of us think we're going to make it that long.  No current data leading in that direction, just I'm High Risk, High Maintenance, and feeling crummy, so it may be soon.  However, making it to 32 weeks is great.  Now we just keep Watching and Waiting.  37 weeks aka Full Term is our next big goal.  

Meanwhile the baby is doing great.  Of Course. Did I mention they estimated his weight at 4 pounds, 12 ounces?!  Oh yeah.  At the beginning of February, they estimated him at 3, 3 and Eric and were taking bets on how big he would be now, just over a full month later.    I guessed he'd hit 4 pounds.  Eric thought he'd be bigger 4 pounds, 3 ounces.  Oh no, we were both blown out of the water.  Now because Eric was closest without going over, our bet was he/she who won got to choose lunch.  

We had Sam with us for the appointment.  It was Sam's first time going to see an ultrasound.  He thought it was hysterical when to get the baby to move his other arm, the tech shook my giant belly.  He laughed, making all of us laugh, and begged her to do it again.  My giant belly shaking like Santa's really tickled him.  He also asked us why Baby J was Grey?  Then he was asking us what color he really was.  We told him, he looks like us, but he's in a bag of water.  But the pictures are in black and white,  since we're looking through my tummy.  Blessedly, he accepts these answers.  Chris was upset when I told him that I was going to have to do to the hospital to have a surgery to get the baby out.  He asked if they were going to use a knife?  He was worried.   I told him the Truth, that Yes, but just like he didn't feel his surgeries, I won't feel mine.  All true.  Poor kids, if their wives want to have an all natural childbirth, or are all strong and healthy, they won't have any idea what to do.  I guess the best I can say is for them to Be Flexible.  No birth plan is set in stone.  We've got to be flexible, things change, health changes, we can't get upset because it's not going to be the all natural underwater bath birth we always wanted.  

Eric had seen a billboard, for a place called Bagger Dave's with a picture of a giant cheeseburger.  That sounded very good to him.  It hadn't been open long, but was at 86th and Michigan, and Eric was in the mood to try a new cheeseburger as big as his head (or as big as our car).  So we went.  This place was really neat!  There were a couple TVs for watching basketball.  They had fancy macaroni and cheese which made Sam happy.  And there's a Train on a track up on the wall, that circles the restaurant, that Sam couldn't stop talking about, pointing at, and watching.  Very good to occupy the littles.  And they make their own sodas (and beers), and are from Michigan.  So we got a flight of sodas, and sampled them. They were Good!  Sam could only try the root beer, because of his Red 40 sensitivity, but we enjoyed them.  My favorite was the Black Cherry Creme.  It was Smooth!  They'll get you a float with it, and I would have been Very Interested, but of course, I didn't have room.  

Eric got a wicked awesome cheeseburger, with all kinds of strange and wonderful things in it:  special sauce, lettuce, cheese, sauteed onions and mushrooms, egg and fries.  I think it was called a Train Wreck.  It was really good.  But I haven't been in the mood for a lot of meat lately.  Is it a Lenten thing?  I don't know.  I just wanted a sandwich, not a cheeseburger as big as my head.  Though next time I do want one, I'm going to get That Burger Eric got because it was really good. I tried it and wanted to steal more bites.  

My sandwich was called the Hot Mess.  Dreadfully Appropriate for me, don't you think?  So I had to try it.  Actually, it was probably the 2nd best grilled cheese sandwich I have ever had in my life.  #1 of course is the Fair Oaks Farms one.  This one had cheddar, swiss, and mozzerella, along with diced onion, tomato and basil.  Bacon was an option, but not one I partook of.  It was Awesome.  I thought I wouldn't go for the tomato, but actually, when paired with the onion, basil and melty cheesy goodness, it was Amazing.  There was none left.  Eric was lucky I let him try one bite.  That was my kind of Hot Mess, I can go back for that.  I see us going there as a Family again when we're all healthy and whatnot.  It was really good.  Maybe we'll get beer when I can Drink again...though it's going to be a while for that too.  In the mean time, maybe I'll get one of those Black Cheery Floats next time.
But it was So Good to get out, feel the sun on my face.  And we made this One Day a week that I get to get out a really Good One!