Monday, March 25, 2013

Five Things that don't necesarily suck about being on bedrest

Now finishing my 4th full month of bedrest, I found I needed to sit down and find a few perks of this situation.

5.  Church Lady home cooking.  The last couple months the Bell Choir has alternated bringing us a meal once a week.  I'm talking homemade Fluff Salads, brownies, casseroles.  And you know church ladies, it's never just one meal's worth.  It's been a Godsend.

4.  Freezer Cooking! Cooking is really hard right now.  After working all day, and keeping us alive, Eric doesn't have the energy for it, and I'm useless.  But one weekend a month, he'll cook up a storm for our freezer cooking group.  We make 7 copies of the same meal, buying in bulk, and then go to the meeting and Trade, and we have a freezer full of 7 different meals.  Now I haven't felt up to always going to the meetings, but when I do, it's good to feel normal and bond with my gals.  And 7 meals lasts longer than just 7 days. This crew and the church folks have kept us Fed for the last 4 months.  Other wise our budget would be all kinds of blown by going out. The kids love McDonald's.  Along the same lines of how we don't feel like cooking, we've inadvertantly started a trend of going to McDonald's after church on Sundays and often during the week.  I didn't think I'd ever get tired of McDonald's after our early Riley days with Chris.  But we do.  Thank goodness for the Freezer Cooking gals.  Their goodies are keeping me sane!

3.  Just Say No.  After 4 full months of this, I'm getting really good at saying No.  If I think I'll feel worse at the end of doing something, I say No.  And it's OK.  It's taught me a lesson.  I can Say No.  I can say No, and the world won't end.  My kids won't suffer long term damage because we didn't go to the late night school Thing, or because we didn't take that third class, or because we all didn't pack up to be tortured at that other activity.  I stopped caring how it makes You Feel.  I've spent the greater part of my life being unconfrontational.  Don't rock the boat.  Be a good girl.  Don't be mean.  Don't add to any fights between already existing fights between people you care about.  I was once accused as a teenager of only thinking about myself, "Self! Self! Self!"  was what this yelled at me.  Looking back on it now, Duh, I was teenager.  That was Nothing. But looking back on it now, I cared a whole lot more back then about what other people thought about me, and I didn't want to hurt their feelings or offend them. I spent much more time worrying about it than I do now.  For once in my life, it IS all about me.  Actually, it's all about this Baby.  And as hard as it's been for me to not be sensitive to others, I can't get worked up about it any more.  It's taken me a while to see this as a Good Thing.  I felt Insensitive that I was having to choose between what's best for this baby and my body, and my family and doing what someone else wanted.  Getting upset, crying hysterically, is So Bad for me right now, it's not even funny.  I had a hysterical crying fit last week, when someone I cared about suggested we put someone else's priorities before our own.  It made me sicker to get upset about it, and to try to figure out logistics in our current situation of prioritizing someone else than to just ignore them and say No.

2. I don't Have to get up.  When the kids wake up, loud noises, bad dreams, they all set my uterus to contracting immediately upon waking.  So Eric gets up with them.  It was very hard to get used to not popping up whenever someone cries, or wakes first thing.  But now that I've relinquished that control, I have begun to enjoy that I can (need to) lay there a while before climbing out of bed.  And the kids have both learned to come to me when they need comfort.  The best mornings are when I wake to children, and start tensing up, and can lay there, and even fall back to sleep for a half an hour or so before getting up.  Makes me calmer in the mornings.

1.  You learn who Really Loves you.  Since this has all happened, I really have found out who my friends are. The ones that still call or write, months later, even when I'm not up to doing so, or doing anything in return, they still call, they still check in, they still offer or just come by with some sort of help.  We've been blessed with people bringing food, Still, and people offering a simple hour or two of their time to move shit around or do laundry, just sit and talk with me, and make me feel like a friend too, like a functional member of society instead of just a mooch.  Friends or family that borrow the boys so that Eric can actually get some work done while he's supposed to be 'working from home'.  In the beginning, we were overflowed with offers of Help.  But then a lot of those "helpers" failed in follow through.  I know their intentions were Good.  I know mine would have been, but after getting stood up, 2, 3, 4 times, I stop trying.  I can't obsess about this. This has been one of the Worst times in my life, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy for half time friends.  Suddenly, I find my inner circle smaller, filling it only with people that have helped us out more than once, or people that Get It. If you don't have time to love me, or help me, or check in with me,  I don't have time for your fakeness, and I certainly don't have the energy for you.  And doing that has actually eliminated a lot of stress in my life, and make me take note of who really cares for me, for us.  And I Thank God for those people. So much so I really realize how Blessed I am.