Monday, March 25, 2013

Baby is fine, but hysterical crying doesn't really work for me

Now, back to going to the OB twice a week.  Ugh.  I'm really not a fan of this.  Mostly because, I don't like having to get out of the house.  Most of the time, it just isn't worth the pain and discomfort.  I was giving exception to OB visits for a very long time, because I LOVE to see the Baby, and Love to see him doing so well.  Well, he's so big now, it's real easy to feel that he's doing just fine.  Still, I do enjoy seeing his sweet little Sweetboy face on screen.   
And this week, I thought it would be Swell, because Chris is on Spring Break, so it would be his first time to see his Baby Brother on screen too.  Two weeks ago was Sam's first time.  I feel better about taking them, when I am pretty sure that things are fine with the baby.  When it was touch and go, I didn't want the boys there, in case things were Not Fine.  Neither Eric nor I consciously said we were worried about it, or not wanting the boys there, just in case, but we didn't we didn't want them there.  Now it's OK.  Or at least, more OK.  
I hit 34 weeks this week, and he's getting bigger.  :)
Our appointment today was at a lovely time, 10 am, we could make that with everyone, not on a school day.  We just didn't take into consideration that we got 6 inches of Snow overnight.  Eric shoveled us out, and I got the rest of us dressed and into the car, we were pulling out of the driveway at would have Just worked out.  Except for the pickup truck that was stuck on our street.  And Eric, being wonderful, hopped out to give this guy a hand.  Only, it wasn't just a guy.  It was a kid.  A kid in a pickup, that he clearly was having issues with driving on the snow.  So Eric spent 15 minutes trying to get this kids truck off and running. Not happening.  So I called the OBs office, and told them we were going to be late.  I figured this was more kind than the treatment they gave us telling us they were running an hour behind (10 minutes before our appt time) not calling us until we were in the parking lot.  
So I called them.  I asked if other people were having trouble getting there with the weather too.  They said they were booked up, as long as we could get there before 10:30.  I didn't see that being a problem, so we continued on.  And we got there about 10:15.  Apparently while I was in giving my urine sample, the tech came by and grumped at Eric about being late, told us we'd have to wait a bit.  That was fine, we had all of us together, so it wasn't like last week when we had to get home to the kids.  So we went and waited for a while, they squeezed us in at about 10:45.  Then the Tech lost her every loving mind.  She got me on the table, gooing up my belly, then stood and lectured us for 15 minutes.  I was like, If you just DID THE TEST, we'd be long gone by now, and you wouldn't have to gripe anymore about how Late I'm making you.  I kept saying OK, I understand, just to shut her up.  Only it didn't.  And she started in on Eric...Again.  And she was not listening to what we were saying.  It was clear she wasn't feeling well either.  And I think she'd lost her filter.  I was polite.  It took everything I had to keep being polite.  
Only it started to affect me, and that's when I started to lose it.  It had been a long day for me too.  
I'd woken up at 5 a.m. to Sam tossing and turning in my bed, and I couldn't go back to sleep...I played on the computer a bit, and Sam woke up for the day at 6:30.  He and I talked, giggled, but then I started getting a little dizzy and went to lay down. Only the dizzy got worse.  I had to call Eric to tend to Sam, and they went down for breakfast...that was 7:30....I woke up at 9:15.  Yeah, I fell flat back to sleep.  I don't do that.   That's so not normal for me.  And then I scrambled to get the kids out the door too.  All that rush to get lectured about my tardiness?!  And they didn't even Bloody take my Blood Pressure!  I was mad.  And when I get upset (these days), no good comes of it.  My belly gets painfully tight, I get light headed.  Crying is really bad, because it so moves into hyperventilating, and contractions.  It's bad.  So I try really hard not to put myself in situations where I cry.  This may make me seem like a selfish bitch, because it may seem I'm not thinking about anyone but myself.  People pushing me to dwell on how our situation impacts them, and how selfish we're being.  Well, I'm not.  I'm thinking about my baby.  Me and the Baby, and that's about it.  That's my job right now, that's all I can handle.  

And I don't do well when I get pushed.  And the tech pushed.  And I started getting light headed.  I had Eric give me the rest of my gatorade, and I ordered her to start the test before I passed out.  She did.  But she was not Joyful.  And of course, the baby wasn't as up to doing all his Cute tricks, he knows when Mommy isn't doing well.  

At least we got these:  

Sweet baby boy cuddled up to the uterine wall.  

He really loves to keep his hand in front of his face.  

Chris asked why his hand was in his face, I said that's how Baby J liked to sleep.  Chris asked why Baby was Gray? (Just like Sam did a couple weeks ago) We explained that's how they take pictures.  The boys were cute for about a minute.  Then they started nit picking, fighting over the same chair...probably because she'd taken so long in getting the test started.  They were over it, I was over it.  I put them in Timeout. I started to get really light headed.  I could feel the Heatwave that comes with one of those vasovagal episodes.  Sweat broke out.   This one was surely set off by laying on my back for so long AND being upset.  So I made her hurry up for her counts and whatnot, and then I called for ice water. All I wanted in the world was to get Out of that room.  I wanted to take All My Boyz home.  

Once we were outside, once I was seated, drinking some water, I started to feel better.   But I had thought we'd have this great visit to the OB, all 4 of us watching the best show on tv ever, and then we'd go to a lovely family lunch.  Yeah, didn't happen.   It was more of a "Lot of stuff happened and I cried all the way home sort of visit", without all the crying, because I need to be an insensitive bitch. 

It was the Worst OB appt we'd had.  Didn't even see a doctor, just the tech, and she was pissy the whole time. It was bad.  I see my doctor again on Friday, but if the same tech dares to say one word that isn't I'm Sorry, she's going to get an earful.  

But the Baby was OK.  And I feel him moving around, and I Know he's doing OK.  I have to focus on that.  Big Picture Right?  Perspective, Yo.