Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Running on Empty


Did you ever notice that in the evening the Kids get so crazy they can't stop moving, for if they do they'll collapse and fall asleep, and they don't want to do that? Yeah I have boys like that.

Where do they get that energy? And can I borrow some? The boys had a nice exhausting day of playing their hearts out with Grandma, and then this evening, they bopped till they dropped with their friends Bryn and Shay. I had the lofty goal of taking them to the zoo this morning, but in the end did very little with the boys except hug them. Sorry about the crazy photo today. I find that I am getting a bit burnt out taking daily photos; don't get me wrong, I am still constantly finding beauty in Life around me, my amazing boys or nature are my favorite things to photograph, but it's just getting hard to post daily for the whole 3 of you who read. And when I'm in pain, that motivation to take pictures of cute kids goes right out the window.

Oh yes, that's right, there's a story there. I hurt.

This morning as I was in the shower, I must've turned funny when I grabbed my soap because the next thing I know, a blinding flash of pain, and I couldn't move. I managed to stand up straight, thought I had it all under control...until I tried to get OUT of the tub. Luckily Eric was still home, and he helped me out. He suggested I lay on the floor to stretch it out, and that was ok, as long as I wasn't moving. I don't think it's a dislocation per se, because the bone didn't pop, but the muscles just seemed to let go and the hip and back can't bear weight.
So we called my super wonderful amazing mother in law for reinforcements. I took drugs, grabbed my heating pad and went to bed for an hour. Eric stuck around until Mom could come, she thought it might be easier to just Take the boys, so she did. She took my boys and kept them until just before Eric came home from work.
I had the afternoon entirely to myself, in a quiet empty house. It would've been fun, if I felt like playing. It would've been nice, if I could've been productive. But I pretty much did nothing, took another round of drugs, and another nap.

Can't say much bad about a 2 nap day.

Except when I move, my hip and back hurt...a lot. And when I think I feel good enough to do something, like tend the kids or something, well, my body quickly tells me just how wrong I am. Kids, cherish this time when you don't have chronic pain, or if you do hurt yourself, you still have the mind enough to complete a sentence. My pain has been in the high range all day. I had a therapist tell me once, they always ask you on a scale of 1-10 10 being the worst you could ever have, 5 is when you have trouble thinking. I've had it bad, but I never choose 10. 8s and 9s yes, today was a 7/8 day. I hate those days. Even drugged, I have trouble completing a thought, and when speaking I sound like an idiot. My poor yet wonderful family. Eric is such a champ, and I feel bad for the boys, because all I can do is sit and yell at them, they don't want to hold still enough to cuddle much. I was joking with Eric, are you going to trade me in for a younger, blonder, more bendable model? He laughed, and told me No, she'd be a brunette. Then he says, he couldn't, there'd be no way he'd have Time to have an affair. Well, I guess that's my Job Security. It's just so frustrating being a live lump. It's a pickle to be in, I hurt therefore want to take drugs. But the drugs make me sleepy and stupid, and I don't trust myself with the kids, but the kids need me functioning so I don't take the drugs (I got to today though!) so I tend to them and end up hurting more. Mom says I need to go find a new chiropractor. Not today. I keep thinking I'll feel better, and when I find some baseline I may go hunt for a new chiropractor, for maintenance, not when I'm so blinded by pain I can't drive. The real bummer is that because of these stupid spasms, I can't have any fun.