Thursday, October 22, 2009

Venting without the Hubs

My husband is on the team for a men's spiritual retreat, the Via de Cristo. He left today. It's hard for me to be upset with him, because he's off Serving the Lord. But I am, a little. He's off having great quality God time, and grown up talk... and getting closer to God... out in the beautiful woods... in the fall...
Maybe it's not anger maybe it's Jealousy.
I want to go out in the woods and have grown up talk and get closer to God. I got SO Jazzed about God when I served on team last spring. (March 08)I would love to do it again. But I just wasn't ready. I am just not ready to leave Sam. I have been able to leave him with the inlaws, but I haven't been comfortable to take him into the church nursery. I want him to be a little older. Maybe I want him to drive me a little crazier before I start pushing him away. He's hard to push away.
Do you hear it? I want to do what I want. HA. I keep hearing Jesus telling Peter "Get Thee From Me Satan!"
Poor Eric. His workplace was trying to make it very difficult for him to leave, working him like a dog and then trying to guilt him into staying. But he didn't fall for it. On one hand, I wanted to go up there all Bulldog on their butts for even trying to get him to stay. Don't they know he's going out to Serve the Lord? You can't stop that for computer work?! I was telling Eric to tell them to 'Get Thee From Me', because they were trying to interfere with him doing the Lord's work. On the other hand, here I am, not really wanting him to go, because I was going to be dwelling in darkness without him. When he got he call, and I so desperately wanted to yell, DON'T LEAVE ME! I didn't think I could handle it. Not with both boys. Alone. Then he got sent off to Atlanta for a week to learn to be GeekiER. And I survived. As a friend said, I didn't just survive, I thrived. I didn't end up flat on my back, stuck on the floor with Sam and Chris stuck somewhere and me useless and unable to help them, or for them to help me. I didn't. I really thought I would. But we were fine. We went to the Apple Orchard, made applesauce, cleaned up, did laundry, and I painted the bathroom. This was God telling me it was OK. That I was going to be fine this weekend while Eric was gone. That I could do it. Bummer is, now I just miss him. It's awful quiet around here. I'm not Alone. We're not alone.
Holy Cow! I am so Blessed. I am reminded multiple times daily, just how blessed we are. The list is quite extensive, you know. We have our health, and we have such an Excellent support system. My children are so chock full of loving friends and family that we rarely have free time. What a super problem to have. It's because They have this Glow. And people just want to be around it. Strangers stopping us at the store to compliment their smiles. That's their Gift. It's so hard to be sad, or upset, to dwell on my own problems when I'm with the boys and they are happy. I think that's true for our friends. To see Chris running wild with his friends, or hear them giggling until they can't breathe, well, it just makes everyone smile.
It strikes me odd that anyone wouldn't want to spend time with me and my boys. They are so Awesome...all 3 of them. Back to the problem at hand, just like the boys, everybody wants Daddy too. Work. Church. Me. And this weekend he gets to live it up out in the woods doing work for the Lord. Well, I guess it's probably not all fabulous. Eric is probably tired, sore, and sleep deprived. Already. It is Work, serving the Lord and all.
Worse problems to have.


Carla S said...

You can do it! I hope this time as a "single parent" sails by quickly and smoothly! (You don't have crazy plans to change the bathroom again, do you?)