Saturday, January 21, 2012

Cherishing Miracles


I had most of today free, I got a massage this morning, and then went to the Baby Shower for a friend of mine from college. They don't let me out very often. But when they do it's a Good Day! She's adopting from Russia, and just recently found out she can go back in 2 weeks to bring him Home. Permanently. She gets her Gotcha Day in 2 weeks. I don't know if I'd be strong enough to wait any more, knowing my son is waiting thousands of miles away. But she's been amazingly strong, I admire her strength.

There was so much to celebrate, it was the Sweetest of occasions. I'm so Happy for her, I had to hold my tears back. It wasn't a crying sort of affair, this was a Happy Day. And this was the kind of Happy Shower that you would pray a friend who has been fighting and praying so hard for, would have, that she be showered literally in gifts and love.

And her friends were so generous, and enthusiastic, full of excitement and joy, as it should be. I really felt like Everyone there today was cherishing the Joy, not just the simple Joy of a new baby. There was Love, and words of wisdom, laughter as we played funny games, and sweet dreams of the days to come. Cherishing the Miracle. This one was a little older, 18 months, he hasn't had it easy. She had such trials in trying to have a family. And somehow God works wonders taking each of their pains and is weaving a new strand, a new family, a new love, a Miracle.

And to be able to see others cherish this miracle along with her was a Gift for me. She and I had lost touch, and recently found each other again. We bonded further over about our battles with Infertility. So Wonderful to be able to Praise the Lord for this wonderful match he has made.

A few years back, I had another friend who adopted, though I didn't see her for a few months after she brought her sweetboy Home, when I finally did get to meet him, I brought her a present. She was touched. She told me, No one had thrown her a shower. They'd had to get everything for their little one themselves. I was appalled. No one? That hurt my heart. For her. I would have wanted to shower her with love and spoiled that sweetboy like he hadn't been spoiled before. Maybe she was surrounded by people who didn't get it.

It's funny. Not that people that get pregnant naturally, or easily don't deserve it, I'm not saying that, and I'm not saying that they don't cherish the miracles they have. I don't doubt that there are plenty of folks out there that cherish their miracles, even if they came easy to them. But it seems that for those of us out there that it didn't come easy for, we really Cherish the Miracles. The miracles not cherished seem to go to families that don't care one way or the other, and that's part of the hideousness of infertility. I feel like we really 'Get It': the amazingness of God working through the science of creating new life, the tiny miracles as God conducts his Plan through the work of others, how wondrous it is when he lines up the perfect child to fit within the perfect family. I really Cherish the Miracles. There are so many associated with this whole process, I don't see how people don't Believe, but that's for another soapbox.

I believe my heart has been called to Adoption. I'm not sure of God's Timing of the subject, but since we had so much trouble trying to have our family, adoption has always been a possibility. One of the many Miracles associated with Christopher's birth was that we'd given up being able to conceive. I had started reading Adoption for Dummies. I was about halfway through it when I went for my annual exam, to request drugs for my 'wacky cycle' only to find out I was expecting. I kept the bookmark in that same page, which made my friends giggle when they were helping me move. But really, it's a Miracle. I had given up, moving forth to our other choice, and God said, "Not Yet." And He gave us Christopher. But he didn't say chuck the book out the window. Hold on. That time will come.
Is it coming now? I don't know. My Endo has been giving me fierce fits the last few weeks, and obviously I'm not pregnant, though we've been attempting for #3 for just over a year. Right now, I'm feeling the call to help others. I feel like we've been so Blessed with a wonderful family, and wonderful home, I just need to share it. In the mean time, I'm Holding On. I'm waiting for God. I just need to stop and listen. He's not always in the crazy, but the whispers. But today wasn't a day to discern God's Will for me in the whispers of my heart, today was a day to Shout for Joy about the wondrous Love of God, and Praise Him for this match between Annie and Luke!