Saturday, October 15, 2011

1000

This is my 1000th blog post. Wow. Can you believe it? I can't. The first blog I started was Christopher's. It was a way for us to let our friends and family know what was going on with him, when we weren't up to notifying everyone individually. That and Daddy is a sweet but kind of dorky computer programmer. He builds websites, so he built one for his baby. It was Eric's form of Nesting.
I had written probably 200 posts about Christopher, and how he was doing, what he was doing, all his recovering from various things, when it suddenly occurred to me. I had more to say. I wanted to write about things that didn't have to do with Christopher. I wanted to take and post pictures that weren't about Christopher. So I started a blog for me.
Then I got pregnant with Sam, so Daddy built Sam a blog too. Now I maintain all three. But truth be told, I hop on more here than on the boys' blogs. Someday I like to think they'll take over and maintain their own blogs. But in the meantime, my blog is all about that, 1000 different ways and things we do together as a family or separate. But making 1000 blog entries can really get a girl thinking. What will a write? This is a Milestone. Then I realized what today is.

October 15th, WORLDWIDE, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Miscarriage, Stillbirth, SIDS

My heart gets so heavy, every time I think of someone losing a baby, not just on this day, but every day. I'm afraid I've known too many people who have experienced this deep, wrong loss. It's just all wrong, it shouldn't happen that way. But it does, and I pray, pray for these wonderful little angels, who get to meet God early without having to live a life of pain. But it's Pain for those of us left behind, who no longer get to witness the miracles of these babies in our lives. I have been so Blessed. I have two miraculous boys to love. I have been further Blessed, that in my case, I either got pregnant and had children, or didn't get pregnant at all. I rarely consider Infertility a gift. But whenever I think of the mothers I know, which is just too many, that have someone to remember on this Pregnancy and Infant Loss day, I am Thankful for this cursed gift. I feel selfish, that I have so much to be Thankful for, my Abundant Blessings. And I just have to hug my boys a little harder.
Today was a good day for hugging boys a little more, letting them watch a little more TV than usual. Sam wasn't feeling well, he's got a bad case of the snoochies. He's been coughing a lot while he sleeps. We gave him a Vapo-bath tonight, slathered him in baby Vaporub. He hasn't been sleeping well at night. He coughs, and when he wakes up his nose and eyes are drippy. I think it's just a cold. Just the same, I don't want him around any other kids. That's made this weekend a little less stressful because we had to cancel a lot of our plans. Oh well. Better to have a rested healthy boy, than to be the cause of everyone we know getting sick.

But really I am Abundantly Blessed. I suppose I could list and count the ways, but that would almost be another thousand in and of themselves. But then my sister suggested to go the route that The Pioneer Woman does when she hits a big milestone. She goes back through the years and lets you know what was happening when. Not a bad idea, especially considering how well it coincides with what my main blogging focus has been, and how it pertains to this day.
In October of 2005, I walked out on my job, Quit my managerial position because the stress of it was interfering with my health and the health of the baby. I was having high blood pressure symptoms, now I recognize them, at work. Given the way the next few months worked out, if God hadn't led me to walking out right then, my pre-eclampsia woulde've been a lot worse, and Chris would've arrived early, and had a lot more problems than just an imperferate anus. Imagine, having to think of Imperferate Anus as the easy option. It scares me sometimes, to think about how Chris or I would have fared if I had stayed on at the Health Department.
Instead by the next year. I was staying home with my Miracle Baby. Chris was a wonderfully happy boy, crawling, beginning to talk, babble mostly, and all was well. By the following year, we began to notice problems, and we got him involved with First Steps. It was the start of a downward spiral for Chris that took a while to recover. In April of 2008 I started this blog. I had it for just a month, when Chris got diagnosed as a silent aspirator and needed a feeding tube put in. That required a lot of work. And in October of 2008, we did the first Stricture Stretch on his poor bum. And another one in October of 2010, which was the start of a very bad autumn for him last year; first the stricture stretch, then the VCUG that caused him so much pain, then the MRI, and Bladder Urodynamics study. Oh those were icky times. And still my son stayed so strong, and so amazing. I should Praise God for that more often.
Last year, as we were dealing with health issues, Eric was working on the house, we had the first house showings on the old house. This fall is much better. Not that all those things are completed 100%, but it's so much better. We're all together. And that is so much less than the pain and frustration of being separated.
Today of 2009, I was griping about how I wasn't SuperMom. Ha! I was having trouble with making the boys Halloween costumes. I'm having similar troubles this year, but I realize I don't care. My kids could wear a sheet and be happy. And I would be happy with it. Sure my house is a mess, but I get to be with my kids, and cuddle with them when they aren't feeling well, or when they need me. I am not SuperMom, but I am Super Blessed. Sometimes God just keeps sending me trouble, issues, to hammer that home. I can't fix it all. I can't single handedly make Chris better. But I can be there. Today I got to be there to snuggle Sam when he needed me.




I got to curl up with Chris and watch cartoons, then we started reading Harry Potter, but he couldn't listen to all of it. He needed more pictures. Going to the Church Fall Festival for playing and eating was more his speed. It was funny. Chris played amongst the pumpkins, and ate a hot dog bun and a brownie for dinner. See? I'm not Supermom, but he had Fun. And Sam was home all day, but perfectly content to eat the remnants of applesauce that I burnt yesterday. Oddly enough it has a carmel taste, all natural, because I only put apples in water in the pot, that renders it not entirely inedible. Sam likes it. I even don't mind it. But I just threw it in the fridge, not frozen or canned. Even burnt, it's technically applesauce. And feeding my child burnt applesauce, that disqualifies me as Mom of the Year, or SuperMom. I may try and fail to make their Costumes, or bake a cake, and I stink at cleaning, but have been Blessed with great helpers in that regard. I am not SuperMom. I don't ever claim to be. I am SuperBlessed! Super Blessed with Super Sweetboys.

2 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations on this milestone!! I enjoy hopping on here and seeing what you have to say often! What a great post!

Amy said...

I love when you say, "Not supermom, but super blessed."