9 years to the day

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So, Christopher gave me a heart attack and a wild ride on Monday. That was Monday, right?! Yes. Well, as you can imagine, with the giant influx of gifts for his birthday on Sunday, we didn't see much of him on Monday. He got up and played in the basement with his new stuff as much of the day as he possibly could. I was totally ok with that. That way I got to get some rest. I was starting to come down with the cooties. I didn't have a fever, but was getting some chills. So was Eric. So we kind of just let the kids play, while we chased Jacob around the house. The only thing we had on the schedule was to have dinner with Eric's parents, as a church fundraiser.

So we had a quiet day, it was nice. The kids played in the basement most of the day, I got a nap, and Chris did his flush, Eric mentioned later, that Chris had said his ear hurt during his flush, but he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. I felt like a horrible parent. I didn't notice anything was wrong. Until we were headed to the car. I walked into the garage, and saw Chris standing there with his coat on, and he told me his ear hurt. I did a double take, one cheek looked like a chipmunk's. I turned to Eric and yelled, how long has he been like this?! He hadn't seen it either. It must've just blown up while they were downstairs playing during quiet time. Really fast.

That kind of scared me, so I dragged him into the bathroom, so he could see what we were freaking out about. I was already thinking, we'll have to run to the hospital; should we even try to eat first? And Chris was as shocked about his face as I was. He said his ear hurt, and I went for my earache rollon. I put some around his ear, but then I wondered what if it is a absess, a bad tooth, so I asked him to open his mouth. He couldn't get very far. I warned him that I was going to put my finger in there, so open wide, and he did, or at least he tried. I got my finger about 2/3 the way into his mouth and he went white, and his head rolled back, and he passed out. He dropped like a stone. Luckily, I was right there so I caught him. But then he started pushing out with his hands and arms, and tensing up his head. I gently brought him to the floor, and rolled him on his side. I was terrified he was having a seizure. But it didn't last long. I screamed blue hell for Eric! By the time he came, which was just seconds, Chris was coming around. He was sleepy, but breathing. He thought he'd taken a nap. We decided to call the ambulance. Whatever it was, we didn't think it could wait now. It took a few minutes for the ambulance to arrive. And the guys were so nice to Chris. They checked his temp and BP, which were all fine. And one guy picked him up like a sack of potatoes to toss him on a gurney. I'm happy to say all my hallways and doorways are wide enough for gurneys. That's a weird thing to think of when building a house, but it's an undiscovered perk. As we're walking out the door, I grabbed yarn, and the ipad to keep Chris content. Fast thinking, just in case we had to wait. Good thing I did. As I was walking out, one of the emergency responders mentions, I've been to this house before. Huh? A few years ago, with the fire alarms. Oh yes, when I flooded the bathroom. I laughed, and said, Oh yeah, you know what? I was pregnant, and didn't know it yet. He laughed, oh you had placenta brain. Yup. It was kind of nice to have a light moment in the midst of being so worried. But they weren't worried, they didn't even turn the flashy lights for the trip to Riley. As soon as they found out he was a Riley kid, they suggested just going ahead and running him there, if we'd gone to West, we might have ended up downtown anyway, so they figured they'd save us a trip. It was kind of calming to not have them moving fast, if they were going slow, it's no worries. Chris thought it was kind of neat, but then he started getting tired again.

Sorry this picture is so scary. 

He was really pale on the ride in the ambulance. He was feeling queasy, so they gave him a pukey bag. And I was really scared of the way his cheek was swelling. I wanted to take a picture of it, to be able to compare it, during time of growth. Just in case it kept growing.

When we arrived at the hospital, we got straight into a room. And they checked him out, and we ended up waiting for the doctor. There was paperwork and waiting. I'm glad I packed the ipad and yarn, because there was a lot of waiting. First nurse was worried there had been a seizure, and another worried about a cardiac event, just like Ma with the vasovagal responses. So the first test they did was an EKG, but his heart was fine. I'm always glad to hear that, because I worry about him having VACTERL syndrome. He only has 3, and to have the syndrome, you have to have 4.

I put out an APB on facebook for prayers. Eric thought it was a little odd, but I wanted the warriors to get to work. I did not want to be at the hospital for Christmas. And I kept thinking they were going to need to lance some absess, and have to put him on iv antibiotics or something. I should have known, we always end up at Riley at the holidays.  But the Prayers Worked!  Chris perked up.

So there was even more waiting, while Chris happily played. I should be grateful, that they were in no rush, that means they aren't worried about an emergency. Aside from some mild ear pain, he seemed fine. Everytime they walked in, and tried to ask him questions. But he was so engrossed in his screens, he utterly ignored them.

As far as he was concerned, this was no big deal. He felt fine. Of all the things that have sent us to Riley, this was pretty painless as far as he was concerned. They ran an ultrasound of his jaw too. I was sure they would find a pus pocket. But there was none! They said it was a freak reaction to the virus that has been running through us all. They thought his gland swelled up like it does when you get mumps, except that's a bacterial infection, and this wasn't. Leave it to us to be wacky freaks of nature. They suspected that he passed out because of the pain from opening his jaw. I grilled them about whether he was still infectious, because I really didn't want to have to cancel Christmas, and they said, No, as long as he doesn't have a fever anymore, which he does. None of us did. They thought it was just a freak reaction as he was healing. so they prescribed ibuprofen. I was upset, come on people, FIX THE BABY!! I know, 9 years old isn't a baby, but I feel like I've been yelling the same thing for 9 years. Once they decided he was fine, they booted us out, only letting him have some powerade, which he didn't want. He wanted cheeseburgers. But when we tried to eat, he couldn't, it hurt to chew. So he got some ibuprofen on board and just went off to bed. He was exhausted. And Eric crashed on the futon with him, just to keep him company, and well, for my piece of mind too.

My mother in law pointed out to me later that it was 9 years to the day, the last time one of us had chased an ambulance to Riley. 9 years later, I sat in an ambulance with him.  9 years ago, on the 22nd of December, at about 2 am, the folks at Hendricks Regional sent a tiny Christopher flying to Riley because they just realized he couldn't poop. They'd never seen it before. But Riley was old hat at Imperferate Anus kids. And in this case, once again, I was freaking out, but the folks at Riley were old hat and totally comfortable. And he was fine. Still, it took me a couple days to calm back down. And I learned not to stick my finger in his mouth. ;)

A Diagnosis

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No one when can sleep when their child is sick.  Amy slept crappy at the hospital, and I slept crappy at home, just contemplating the most terrifying unknowns.

Sam and I had nothing on the docket last Friday.  And sitting around the house was not working for us.  I was playing Songpop on fb like a maniac, checking the entire family's facebook statuses for any and all words on how K was doing, and twitching with the desire to be at the hospital.  Sam was making me nutsy, probably wanting any kind of attention at all, because I was so clearly distracted.

My friend Melissa hopped online asking if I'd heard any news, and I told her how antsy I was.  She offered to borrow Sam so I could get down to the hospital.  Wahoo!  So we met at Target, so I could pick up a couple snuggly odds and ends for Kaylee.  Christopher had been very worried if Kaylee had "what she needed".  He remembered to me how Emily had brought him a bag full of things he needed like Superhero books.  I assured him that we would make sure Kaylee had everything she needed.

I may have gone a little overboard.  

I remember nothing. 

But there was a girl who was pretty happy to receive our Care Package.  

It was almost lunchtime by the time I finished shopping, and gave Sam away, so I grabbed Eric from work on the way.  We both had so wanted to be there, so he got to visit on his "lunch break". She was doing so well after her procedure.  They had given her conscious sedation, for her bone marrow biopsy, and she was pretty floopsy, and a little sore, but overall doing very well.  And smiling!  That was the best part to me, was that she was smiling and laughing at all the normal silly things, just like normal Kaylee.  And she was snuggled up with the blanket I made for her when she was little.  For some reason just seeing her like that, I got this feeling of peace, like everything was going to be ok.  We knew at that time it was cancer, and the had gotten some initial bloodwork back, and they were pretty sure it was leukemia.  We just didn't know what kind.  Apparently there are lots of kinds.  We had to wait a while to find out what kind.  

We were asking her if she'd gotten around the hospital, you know Eric and I, we KNOW the hospital, so we offered to take her around to all the 'hot spots' like the Raggedy Man gift shop, the library, the Ronald Mcdonald house, the cafeteria.   She popped on her new snuggly slippers, and we threw her in a wheelchair and took her for a tour.  

Her favorite place?  The great glass elevators in the lobby.  She was so sweet, sitting there watching them go up and down.  We noticed we could see our reflections in the bottoms of them, and we were laughing and making silly faces.  It felt good.   

This was my favorite picture, her laughing and pointing up.  I know she's pointing at the ceiling where the elevators are headed, we were playing around guessing where they'd go, but at the same time, it's like she Knows who has her.  God has her in his hands, and He's going to take good Good care of her.  

We left about 2:30, somehow Eric had snuck off for a 3 hour lunchbreak.  It really is a black hole in the hospital.  Not much different from the "black hole of cuteness" days when Chris was tiny and in the hospital.  Kaylee is a black hole of cuteness of her own, and it's very easy to spend the whole day with her, I didn't want to leave.  

On the other hand, there was a large part of me that just wanted to snuggle up with Sam and take a big fat nap.  So we went home, and did.  Well, he took a nap, I couldn't sleep, because brother came home, and Sam didn't sleep long either.  Too many ants in our pants.  Just as we were trying to figure out what to do with our evening, news came through.  It was ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.   

Thank God, Riley doesn't mess around. They already had a tentative plan before they even got the diagnosis.  Since they knew it was cancer, they were planning a most likely to have surgery the next morning to put in a portocath, under her skin by her clavicle, so she can have her chemo directly connected.  And while they were at it, and she was out, they wanted to do a spinal tap, get some spinal fluid to see if the leukemia was in there, and start the chemo right there for the first round.  She is looking at weekly chemo for like a year.  

They don't mess around.  There's no time for freaking out, What are we gonna do?  No, there was a Plan.  Frankly, I got good vibes from every staff member on that ward.  They were kind, funny, and yet, they had a plan.  No one was taking this lying down, there was a plan of attack lined up and they were going to kick this cancer's ass.  Oddly enough, that was kind of comforting.  

We didn't talk much in depth, just had a really nice visit, talked about the present.  And that was all that we needed.  

Mom and Aunt Teri were visiting so Ryan and Amy could get some dinner, then they came out our way, we decided since Aunt Teri was visiting, that it just be right to all get together for dinner.  I think we just wanted to spend time with our family.  We met at Boulder Creek, and we had just gotten seated when it started to rain.  Then it went beyond rain, and started to hail.  So much hail it looked like snow.  

I was glad.  At least if the world was falling apart within our family, it only seemed fitting that it look like it was falling apart outside.  I couldn't stomach a pretty weather day, notwhile Kaylee is in the hospital.  I want God to be as sad as we are.  I wanted the weather to reflect that.  Oh yeah.  It did. 

But as frustrated and helpless as we'd been feeling, there were Blessings too.  The kind she has, ALL has one of the highest worldwide cure rates.  And Kaylee is at Riley, one of THE Best Hospitals in the world.  And they weren't messing around waiting on diagnoses, or tests.  They were like, Bam Bam Bam.  Get her fixed!  And they have a plan!  Saturday she was to start 5 different meds, a mix of things, chemo, steroids, anti-nausea, a whole cancer killing cocktail.  She may be doing this for a year or two, but she is going to kick cancer's ass!  Her other grandma even reported that she was saying how much her teacher at school was going to miss her because "I'm her star pupil!"   And she was already considering the many different kinds of crazy hats and wigs she can wear.  She sounded so upbeat and positive about this fight, you could just tell that God was right there with her.  You could feel it in all the prayer requests circling over the internet.    God and Kaylee are fixing to do some amazing things.  

Flipped

Ever have one of those moments, you can pin it down, to where your world changed?  Up until that point, they usually include someone with a ring, or a little bitty + sign on a stick.  But did you ever think it would include Facebook?  Me neither, but mine did.

Most of you already know what happened on Thursday, about my niece Kaylee.  One of those moments:  what were you doing when---?

I  had dropped off Sam at preschool, and gone to the chiropractor.  I wasn't sure if I was having a massage or not, turned out not.  So after my adjustment, I went home and was playing Songpop with my sister on the computer.  As I'd been driving home, I was struck, at how simply Blessed I am.  My issues earlier in the week had gone from unable to breathe, to being able to run the night before.   And the boys have both been healthy lately.  My biggest worry up to that point was what snack should Sam bring for his school class.  I came home and wrote as such.  Then saw that my sister in law, Amy, was requesting prayers on fb, because she was taking Kaylee in to the doctor because she was pale.  She said there were some pretty scary possibilities.  I prayed that Kaylee be ok, and moved on.  I picked up Sam, and came back home, sat back down at the computer, the first thing to pop up was from Amy's Mom, all it said was "It's Leukemia."  WHAT?!?!?!
I looked back at her page, and there was a prayer request from a bit earlier saying they were headed to Riley for testing for marrow issues.  I called Amy,  no answer, phones don't work for crap in Riley.  I called Mom W. She hadn't seen it, next thing I know we were both crying way too much for phone conversation.  Finally I fb'd Amy's Mom, and she gave me the scoop.  The initial bloodwork at the doctor had been disturbing enough to send them straight to the Riley ER.  Further tests were ordered and they were being admitted for a blood transfusion. They were looking at cancer.  But they wanted to do a blood marrow biopsy Friday morning.  Nothing had been confirmed for sure...yet.

Amy sent around this picture.  They had that sweet girl in the ER until 7:30 that night before they could get her into a room.  And look at her face, she still kept smiling.  Even in the face of great unknown, she still retained her beautiful smile and strength. She amazes me.  I just wanted to take her in my arms and tell her how terribly sorry I was.  Why it couldn't be me?  I would gladly trade her.  Why does cancer have to strike such wonderful children?  To make already amazing strong children even more amazing.  Horse Hockey.   And yet, our Kaylee was gearing up for the fight of her life.
And Ryan and Amy, how were they doing?  I can't imagine, and I didn't have any words except to say if they needed anything I was there.  But what would they need, I don't even know if they knew yet.  I wouldn't.  Just maybe immediate needs, food and coverage for home stuff.  And  Alexis, I was very worried about her, but blessedly Grandma T. came to the rescue and met her off the bus, stayed overnight, took her downtown so that they could talk to her and spend some time with her family.  She's a first born like me, a born worrier, like me, and an emotional sponge, like me.  I wanted to help, but had no idea what to do.  The words won't come. Amazing things happened though.  I remembered, I can always Pray.  So I did.  Prayed the day and evening through, for little things, that they would get dinner, for big picture things, Lord let it not be cancer.  Talk about Praying Unceasingly!

It is Surreal.  The rest of the day. I kept praying for it to be a mistake.  And the family came together, talking, texting, posting on the internet, communicating like we never have before.  I wanted to just lose it, but I kept praying we were wrong.  We weren't.  By bedtime, the initial bloodwork confirmed and they knew it was either leukemia or lymphoma.

How do we go about the rest of our day, or the rest of our lives?  Why does the world keep spinning?   Why is the sun shining?  And I remember that feeling, like why is the world continuing, doesn't it know that there is something wrong with my baby?
I remember how the bottom dropped out when Chris was born, and I remember the terrible feelings, that I didn't even know what to do or say.  I feel like I don't know any better now.  I was emotionally exhausted, then, and am now.  I can't rest.  Slept like crap all night, because every time I'd roll over in my beautiful house with my healthy kids I wanted to cry.  I just want to be there, and hold them all, and never let go.

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But I continued the motions, doing what we do.  And I'm glad I did.  Chris went to gymnastics after school.  I was so Proud of  him. In spite of Great Fear, he finally did a forward roll in his gymnastics class. So simple, and yet he was so scared.  I blubbered like a baby, thinking how much kids have to face fears, it's so unfair.  But I shouted the loudest for him!  

Then I came home and just held them.  Actually they got annoyed. He had his flush afterwards, and Eric explained that Kaylee was at Riley, that she was sick, so we all prayed for her to get better.   But I couldn't shake the fear, and the only thing I wanted was to sit and snuggle my sweetboys.  So Sam curled up with me and we watched Octonauts.  And I held him until he asked me, if I was all done with my snuggles. 

Never baby, Never. 

Go hug your babies, you never know when life will change.  

Poor Pitiful Pooch

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I have mentioned here, that Fina is not doing well. She has cancer, and her cocktail has been getting less effective. The last two weeks we couldn't get refills before running out of drugs, so she ran out. Off the antibiotic, her feet got stinky. Off the narcotic last weekend, she just made us crazy. She was following us, ants in her pants, just crazy. We finally called Dan for more drugs. Her cocktail is now back to working again, she's just getting a little edgy in the mornings and evenings. She chews her toes, making all kinds of slurpy noises, and making that front paw look even worse. I even resorted to trying to make her wear a sock. Yeah, that lasted 5 minutes. She looked pitiful, and slipped and slid on that one foot, wiggled until it was way down, or as soon as she hit the carpet, the sock would slip right off.



So today we upped her Tramadal, the narcotic to three times a day. Then twice a day, she gets Keflex, the antibiotic to prevent her feet from getting septic, Zyrtec an antihistamine to reduce the amount of histamine released by the oozy tumors, and Prednisone, to reduce swelling and make her just Feel Fabulous. And hungry. And annoying. And in our faces whenever we eat, because clearly Cancer Boxers who are literally wasting away NEED our dinner when we're not even done with it. Or God Forbid we don't go running to put bits in her bowl, and we sit around the table and talk. And she has to go to the bathroom all the time, sometimes she doesn't make it to the door. Can't blame her, my bowels would be bonkers too if I'd been on hearty antibiotics for a month. I can't tell you how many times I've yelled, "If you weren't already dying, I'd kill you." Only slightly joking. Yet sometimes I think she just floods the floor with pee to let us know she's angry at us for ignoring her, because she does at the most inopportune times, like as we're readying to leave on a school morning, or right before company is due to arrive.
She's kind of crazy, making us crazy. But not so crazy we're ready to let her go yet. It's just Tough. How much is annoying, and how much is pitiful? It's a fine line. And it feels like it's that one more thing that I'm not handling well right now. It's been really hard. Pray for all of us through the next few weeks.

Little Tears

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My heart and mind have been in other places the last few days. My body is falling apart, my endo is back, and its been stressing me out, besides being painful. Eric and I are looking at the possibilities of having surgery this year. Me for that. Him for these headaches, which is most likely caused by massive deep sinus infection.

The bravest woman I know, who I am honored to call friend, was having major surgery yesterday. I was literally praying without ceasing all day. She reports doing well. Please joining me in praying her recovery continues to go well.

But I had to get out of dodge. We're all so frazzled, sometimes having a plan is the best thing I can do. Sam and I drove up to visit my other friend Amy who moved out to the boonies last spring. I brought donuts and we drowned our sorrows in happy carbs, and we let the kids play. And it was good.



Amy has been borrowing a little baby, 8 weeks old for a while, and expecting her fourth. I thought it might be rough for me to be around itty bitties. But it really wasn't. So much cuteness made me feel good. I kept reaching out to hold her as she cried. She was just a wee slip of a thing, and she was getting a case of the snoochies, and couldn't get comfortable. It was so obvious she needed to sleep. Oh honey, don't I know that one. We've been rotating colds all winter long, and I could only sleep with drugs. At one point, she had been crying in spurts for a solid hour, she's cry herself to sleep, and as soon as her thumb shifted or a kid looked at her, she'd wake up and start crying. Finally she fell asleep on me.

With one little tear in her eye.



I didn't want to move. But you know, life has to continue. I was reminded how hard those days are, with the little itty bitty ones. On one hand, I don't want to move, want to freeze moments in time. Sam is so wonderful right now, I want him to stop getting older. I sit down to write about him, and I don't know where to begin.

On the other hand, all that screaming. I had a monster headache. I would have given anything to make it stop. Nope, don't miss that. But the bonus was I got to pack up and go home, I just got my sweet snuggle fix, and got to give her back. That was pretty good too.

Almost Now

Today was a Riley hospital day for the boys. Sam had a swallow study and Chris had therapy and an exam prior to his surgery, which we scheduled for next month. The results of Sam's swallow study were the same as last time, so he's still on honey thick liquids. And Chris's surgery will be May 23. We had some time to kill between appointments so we opted to try to find a little fun at the hospital.

Sam wanted to watch the Elevators.



We found the library, which has Gorgeous stained glass windows.



Mommy's new favorite place from 9-5 next month is going to be the Riley library, they will let us check out 4 books or 4 dvds (they had a honking wall of them!)at a time. Sweet!

Sam enjoyed the library too.



We had a bit of time to kill, so we rode the monorail, a train that zips from Riley hospital to Methodist. The boys think this is great fun. They played their favorite game, Bumblebee car, which is basically I Spy for yellow vehicles. The monorail mostly for employees, but I know a boy or two who have been here before and enjoy taking a ride.



Especially on a sunny day!



**Addendum - Willette is doing a little blog linkup for Right Now. What's going on in your home, your life, etc.

So this is us Right Now, kind of huddling together trying to find Joy in sunny days even though a lot of crud is bearing down. We'd welcome Prayers for Chris's upcoming MACE procedure, and for our whole family as we keep plugging through trying times.

Things I'm Thankful For

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*

1. God - He constantly amazes me. When I'm fried, tired, and distraught, he consistently sends me signs, like in a song as I drive home late at night.

2. Internet Access, for both to inform our friends and family what's going on, but also to receive support and prayers. It's meant a lot!

3. Our new roomies at Riley got into a fight, the DAY before we moved into their room. I'm thankful that a social worker keeps them on separate visitation shifts, so we haven't had any Drama.

4. Cheesy Potato Day at Riley

5. The fam who brings me lunch. Mom brought me Jimmie John's Turkey Tom, Yum-O!

6. A good night's sleep, in my own bed.

7. Good friends who love to borrow my Sam, no charge, just for the privilege of loving him. I love that! Does my heart good, and assures me, that Sam is getting lots of loving.

8. Good friends who work in the hospital. Jaime was on shift in the Riley ER when we arrived, and she made our impromptu stay much more pleasant, rustling up movies like Toy Story and the Lion King! God Bless Disney Movies!

9. Pepsi. I hate pepsi. But Riley was giving it away freely in the ER and on our unit, I didn't want to leave the room to go buy a drink. And though I don't like it, the combination of sugar and caffeine got me through the last 48 hours.

10. My Yarn - Sewing keeps my hands busy, keeps my mind from wandering and worrying.

* - Eric technically took this picture of Chris in the hospital, because mine couldn't be pulled off my phone, so it'll have to wait until later to fix it.

The End of an Era

I no longer live in a house with a cat.



I guess we've known for a while his time was near.
He was 18. That's a pretty good age for a cat. Angel was Eric's cat.
Come to me by marriage. I knew he'd gotten him as a kitten when he was a junior in high school. I thought he named him Angel when he thought the cat was a girl, and just never fixed it when he learned otherwise. Only like 3 years ago, did I learn the ex's name was Angela..uh huh. Well, Eric was going to be taking his cat when he graduated, and when we got married, I got a cat, 2 actually. A Dog person marrying a Cat Person. It was a mixed marriage. The Cat did NOT approve. He peed on my stuff, our bed. Repeatedly. I wanted to change his name from Angel to Lucifer! (Or Roosifee (as Gus gus says it in Cinderella) My MIL missed having him around, she made a point to mention it all the time. Finally when he peed on all my scrapbook supplies from my bridal shower, well that was the last straw, I yelled, if he does that again, he can go live with your mother.
He didn't do it again.
At least, not that we counted. When we moved to L.A. less than a year after our wedding, we drugged the animals and took them with us. When we arrived in our 1 bedroom furnished apartment, decorated in shades of hotel white...the cat jumped up on the bed, with it's white bedspread and peed on it. He objected. So did I. I burst into tears, and never did I want to go home so badly. Angel got that, and we bonded while we were in LA. And as he got older he got nicer.
He and Dusty became "the Welcoming Catmittee" whenever anyone came over, they'd greet them at the door. Even without Dusty, whenever we had a new visitor in our home, they got a cat in the lap. And if you were allergic, he had a 6th sense, and would stay even longer on your lap. My 88 year old grandfather, came to our house to visit, and the cat sat on his lap. Later, at lunch, I noticed Grandpa Jim's red eyes, and asked if he was allergic to cats, he said, I don't know. Well, I think you are...Imagine! Finding out at 88 that you're allergic to cats.
Leave it to Angel to smoke out the truth.
He loved to escape, or try to. Sometimes he wouldn't get far. Sometimes we'd take his cat food tin, walking and shaking to get his attention. I remember being out looking for him for 1/2 hour after the maids let him out in LA. After surrenduring and coming home, he was waiting at the front door, eager for me to let him in.
And the boys, oh how he loved them, and vice versa. When Chris had his ostomy, and we had to "bowel prep" at home for his second surgery, the nurses came over to do it. The nurses were worried that Fina would try something, try to defend her baby or something, but when Chris started crying, it wasn't the dog that leapt to his defense, it was the Cat. The Cat started Meowing at the feet of the swing, and climbing in my lap, and running around everyone involved, as if to shout, FIX THE BABY! Yup. Angel was Chris's cat. But Chris declared the cat his a long time ago. I've made the recent mistake of saying that the cat was Sam's cat, because Sam would chase him all over the house calling, DAT, DAT, DAT. And when he caught him, he'd wrap him up in a full tackle, and roll his entire body over the cat. He was Sam's cat too. Both the cat and dog would stand guard at the nursery door or at the front window, making sure all was safe on the mid-western front.
But then in the last few months, he started losing weight. Then his fur started getting all matted, and he wasn't effective at cleaning. He started randomly puking, sometimes food, sometimes not. He wasn't eating as much. My friend said when he stops eating, or if he's hiding, it's time. Then I found him hiding in Sam's room, behind the door. Then last week it started falling out, in clumps, the matts, and bunches that weren't matted. It was time.
I was blessed to have two friends able to come over and help me end it. Really blessed, that it was quick and he just drifted off into gorky sleep, no more pain, and we didn't even have to put him in a car. He hated going in the car; he would cry out and make noises that sounded like someone pulling his intestines out his nose. And his hair would fall out, somuchso that the clumps would make it hard to see while driving, and if I opened a window, he would try to dart out it to escape, or try to creep down the front of the dashboard. If we crated him, oh the noises! I decided like 6 years ago, maybe more, when he was an officially Old Cat, that we weren't going to take him to the vet anymore. He was an indoor cat. It was more harm than good to torture him. And to have him go, in our own home, well, that was the best way, with me petting him. Even though Angel and I got off to a bumpy start, I really was honored that we had enough love for each other to be there at the end.

Bye Bye Kitty. You were a Good Kitty.



I feel like now I should change my blog name, since we are no longer a household with dogs and cats. If you have any suggestions, I welcome them. In the meantime, I ask for prayers for healing hearts for our little family. It's going to be hardest on the boys.

Another Beautiful Day

So, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, Oh My Goodness, what a beautiful day. How wonderful it is that I can enjoy this. Or even better, that I can go outside and play with my beautiful child(ren). What amazing works God creates, our children, even more amazing when we observe them outdoors, surrounded by other amazing things God has created. But some of us aren't so lucky.

Some little ones didn't get to go out and play today.

Some parents didn't get to go out and play with their children today.

I did. I am Blessed that I have my two beautiful children to go play outside with, who are healthy enough to go to the Zoo. My boys are not restricted by wires, and tubing, or stuck in a hospital, or worse yet, just Gone. And because I am so Thankful, I am all the more charged up to do the March of Dimes Walk for Babies.

If you feel so compelled, please support us in this walk. We could use your financial support, as well as your Prayers.

This really Brave Lady

There's this lady I know. I don't even know her name. She's so and so's Mom (I do know the kid's name, but I didn't want publish that particular detail). So So and So is in Chris's Kindermusik class. Apparently, his Mom found out she had breast cancer when she was pregnant with him, but put off her treatment until after her "miracle baby" was born. Well, he's here, fabulous and adorable. And she underwent her treatment, and was doing fabulous too, back at work and everything. And I had heard her testimoy from our previous class interactions.

Last week, I saw her for the first time in a couple months and all that had changed. Christmas break, she found her cancer was back, in her brain, amongst other places, although those I did not get, because the docs immediately started aggressively attacking the tumor her brain. I guess that takes precidence over everything else. They did something called gamma knife radiation which best I can tell from her description, is like a laser zap of radiation directed straight at the trouble spot. Toss in there some chemo and radiation too for good measure. In the couple months since I last saw her, her appearance has changed drastically. But not her resolve.

Here she was. She was attending our class, she wanted to finish the semester! She hasn't quit working. She's still doing it all. I have so much respect for her strength, she just epitomizes "Fighter" to me. She was telling me this story in like the 5 minutes we've got to be sociable, and I just stood there in shock, unable to pronounce words, all I could do was hug her. Just coming to this class, though her strength is a bit zapped from illness, she still comes. She has a helper to lift. But, she was doing more of the physical stuff than I was!

But she'll be taking this next semester off from our class. I don't know if I'll see her or hear how she's doing or anything, and I just can't get her off my mind.

Please join me in praying for this lady.

I don't even know her name.

If you all could just help me pray for this really brave lady, I know it would help.

A Prayer Request

Dearest Prayer Warriors,

I ask you to please pray for Baby Andrew, the son of a friend of mine, who was born 2 days ago at 26 1/2 weeks. His Mommy was due a week after me. He arrived larger than anticipated, at 2 pounds, 3 ounces, and he sounds like a real Champ. Given the giant umbrella of problems associated with being such a preemie, he's doing well, they are optimistic, but it's a daily battle. He's a little fighter, and he and his family are going to really need our prayers. So please pray with me.