Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Wall

It's been 5 weeks since my Surgery.  I meant to take a picture of myself on the 11th, one month since my surgery.  But instead, we were in Ohio for my Uncle's funeral.  No good opportunity for pictures.

And that's OK.  This pic was last Thursday.  I don't have any other pictures of me from my 1 month Boobiversary.  I'm behind the camera usually, not in front of it.  I'd gotten home from my first run to Ohio late Wednesday night.   My Mother and other Uncle and Sister were getting sick by Thursday.  I loaded up on all my Immune System boosters, particularly my last bottle of Ningxia Red.  I do not want to get sick!  I've been loading up in Inner Defense and drinking my Ningxia, and blasting Thieves.  I feel like I've spent the last month entirely out of commission.  Useless.  I don't want to be Useless anymore.
I have only so much energy.  It's become a Choice.  Do I want to do the dishes or go to the store?  I have to choose.  Doing both doesn't work.  I hate that I'm good at this sort of prioritization.   I got a lot of Experience at this when I was on bedrest for 5 months.
Meanwhile, in other news of my recovery.  My gaps are finally beginning to close.  I've spent the last two weeks slathering on oils.  I made a Fantastic blend of Helichrysum, Myrrh, Lavender, and Sandlewood with a splash of Young Living's V6 carrier oil blend.  This Scar Prevention Blend is Awesome.  Totally Expensive, like 3 top the most expensive side of things, but oh man, my skin just sucks it up, like a sponge.   And this week it started to get itchy, scabs had formed.  This is a good sign!
I am getting a bit more stamina, enough to think I can do things, like go to the store. I can do a few more things, I keep trying.  But I have to be careful with my arms, like if I reach up for a grab, but no elbows.  I reach out with my whole arm and that activates the areas underneath, and that hurts.  So  I have tiny T-rex arms. I can't reach across the table without stabbing pain underneath my armpits. I can feel the scar tissue thickening around the scars, and I just keep pushing.  I keep pushing until I hit the Wall.  The Wall is where my body tells me I'm Done.  I went to Kroger this week, by myself, for the first time in over a month.  "Heavy labor like shopping".  Pushing that full car the last couple rows, and to the car was a lot.  I got home, unloaded, and I was done.  I couldn't move any more.  I shut down.  I had enough energy to grab Jacob, come home, and nap with him.  Good thing, he's so compliant on napping with me during the week. On the weekends, I make sure Daddy is around to make sure he doesn't get into trouble while I sleep.  Otherwise he naps with me.  He's so good to me, he makes my recovery easier.  And I am getting better, slowly but surely.