Saturday, September 24, 2016

Striving for a new day

 I have fallen off the wagon lately.  I haven't blogged much, I have been feeling in a funk.  This week, I tried to get out if it.  I got out for a Girls Night, I finally got myself some new clothes.  I kept meaning to go get myself something new, and I finally did.  A friend starts selling LulaRoe clothing, it's really soft.  

I never would have dreamed I'd put myself into leggings on purpose.  I'm reminded of that line from Steel Magnolias, "It's like two pigs fighting under a blanket.". Some things don't need to be seen.  I keep feeling shame for my body. I have spent most of my life hiding my bosom, and wearing things that hide me.  But I've come a long way, not as far as I wanted to be by now, in fact, I've grown kind of stagnant in my weight loss.  Time to kick it up a notch, but that's another story.  However, it got me thinking, Why should I wait any longer to celebrate the small steps I have made?  I decided not to.  If I want to look better in leggings, I can work on that too.  But really, they look pretty good on me now. 

Eric is getting out too.  He has joined the Team for a Via de Cristo weekend, which will be second weekend of October.  He's helping out in the Kitchen.  But he gets to zip away to Serve, get closer to God, and stuff.  And I get a chance to try to hold down the fort, something new considering the last couple months.  Today, I took all three boys to Sam's gymnastics.  

Jacob did well as long as there was a screen. 
He's happy to watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Superwhy.  Early in the day, he's easy to ply.  He's even figured out the preschooler Lego Games and Where's My Water games on my ipad.  He's a maniac!

Sam is the turquoise shirted youngster climbing up the wall, while big brother stalks and watches from the upper right.  Well done sir!  I can already see that in the last 4 weeks that Sam has been doing gymastics at Interactive Academy that he is already making huge progress.  He isn't the slowest one on the team when they do laps.  He's rolling faster, climbing faster.  He's getting stronger.  I am so Proud of him!  He knew that he wanted to do this sport, and he's going for it!  Chris loved watching him, he did a couple laps himself and reported back he wouldn't mind doing gymnastics here too.  High Praise!  Heck, so would I.  This place is Fabulous!  Expensive, but Fabulous!

This sweetboy is good at keeping me company.  

We've been running hot and cold of late, sometimes we get along so swimmingly, he thrills me with his maturity, and then he'll lose it over something minor, and it takes me too long to bring him back, or I have to take screens or ground him to get his attention.  It's been hard. Even just this morning, he wanted to stay home instead of load up, but I can't leave him alone for 2 hours yet.  He hasn't earned that much trust.  He objected.  Highly.  I am pretty sure it's just part of the process, normal stuff for a kid in his shoes, just his reactions prove that all those letters the docs diagnosed him with years ago were spot on.  

Still, then there are moments like this, where for a moment, I forget all the crap, and get to just enjoy their smiles and hugs.  Those good moments get me through all the bad. Someday we'll get more of them.  I look forward to more days like this, where I'm healthier, where they are all healthier, stronger, and happier.