Saturday, December 19, 2009

What Santa asked

This is what Sheer Christmas Joy looks like. This Joy was brought about by a trip to ride The Polar Express. I could go on about details of the trip, but that is more Chris's story, as he got the most out of it. Chris loved everything about the Train.

I was surprised I Got so much out of it. When we went to the Polar Express on Saturday night, I was amazed that the Santa Clause appeared on the Train. Not only did he appear, but he Sat Down with every child, and gave them each their own special bell.
We were in the back (or front) of the car, the first people that Santa came to when he got on the car. First my niece FLIPPED OUT! She tried to bury herself into Lisa's armpit, no easy task. So Santa asked Lisa what she wanted. Lisa made a joke about a calm child, I think.
But when Santa came to us, he asked Chris what he wanted for Christmas. He told Santa point blank, A Red Car. He's been asking Santas all over town for that. He asked Eric, who joked, I want a new house.

Then Santa turned to me and asked me what I want for Christmas.

I had no answer. I could only think I've got it. I'm sitting on a train in the middle of nowhere with my my family and my two healthy boys. Last year at this time, I could only remember that Christmas when Chris was born, and was not Healthy. All I wanted last year was a healthy baby boy. I prayed and prayed for a healthy baby. And God gave me that. Not only did He give me a healthy Sam, but he threw in a much healthier and growing Chris too!
I could only look at the boys, and be speechless (I know Rare right?!). My sister quipped that I'd like Daughter. Sure I would. I've always said, I'd be much better with a daughter than a son, but God laughs and gives me sons. On the other hand, look at these amazing sons I have. I don't have to have any more kids and I'd be perfectly happy.
I sat there looking at Santa pondering, what do I want for Christmas? I have it. I don't need anything. My boys are healthy. They are happy. All I want for Christmas is their happiness, and I was having it.
I pondered, Golly Santa, what do I want? I'm so Blessed that if I really NEED something, I can go to the store and get it. I'm so Blessed I can GIVE others what they want. But I am really having trouble with What do I want?
I felt like Dumbledore thinking all I want was a bag of white socks with no ankles. I briefly toyed with wanting to fix things with my mother, but honestly I don't think I want that either. I don't think I want to fix things with someone who can't stand to be in the same room with me.
I came away from the whole experience Teary. I couldn't remember the last time Santa had asked me what I wanted. Maybe I was 8 or 10, so like 25 years ago. Yipes. Now, I've been asked, what do I want. My family wants me to give them suggestions. I'm terrible at making lists of what I want. This year my list was of what the Boys would want/need. Because what I want most is my boys to have their heart's desires. I want my boys' to be happy and when their family and friends shower them with their love and make an effort to give them their time, well that's what I want. I want that for them.
I want them to be so surrounded by Love that they don't miss what's missing. But after this weekend, just visiting with friends and extended family, they are getting that.
So even though I couldn't articulate the words, Thanks Santa for giving me what I wanted for Christmas.


Unknown said...

That is so sweet Cathy.