The Best and the Worst, Day 3

There's rarely anything good to come of losing a loved one. But sometimes it's possible to find silver linings amongst the great grey clouds. For one, we had our adorable children with us. They bring light and life and smiles to all situations. I sat with Chris and Annie during the Service, and they were so good, they were amazingly well behaved. I was so proud. I was Blessed to be able to listen, to hear what others thought of Grandma.

Of course the church was a full house, full of people. Grandma was very active in the church, and this Mass showed that. Charlie and Sam may have futures in the Faith, because they seemed much more interested in debating with the priest during the service. I was grateful I knew every hymn sung, because I couldn't find a hymnal or program. Even Chris was singing along with me, not necesarily to the words, but just singing. And that made me smile. And a smile through all the tears is close to my favorite emotion.

After the service, there was a luncheon, all kinds of great grub made up by church ladies, the best kind. They even had beef on weck. The kids were pretty well behaved, but very distracting. We broke out the stroller for Charlie, which ended up being quite a fun prop for the kids to play with. And being able to laugh at them, with them, was refreshing.




After the luncheon, we went back to the hotel to change. The rest of the family was headed back to Grandma's to hang out. But once we got comfortable, we had to lay down. All 7 of us slept. And that was very necessary. Afterwards, we went to Grandma's house. It was really weird, not having her there. But there was lots of family, drinking wine, and telling stories, and Grandma would've loved that.



Cousin Gretchen I hadn't seen in years, and now she's engaged, and she loved loving on the kids. She's collecting wine corks for her wedding, and they had quite a stash going and the kids couldn't stay out of it. I suppose it's ok if that's the only wine exposure they get for a while.




After some visiting, we went out for Pizza and Wings. So Good. And we all sat at one table, which was a nice way to just talk with Daddy and MB, and pass around the cuteness. The kids behaved, which was amazing, considering the day. And they provided the happy distraction of Miraculous Cuteness, that was exactly what we all needed.



It didn't change the fact that we missed Grandma bitterly, or that having to say Goodbye sucks. But having the boys and girls with us, was a very good decision, a welcome distraction, and just wonderful to observe the full circle of life. Grandma loved these kids, and they loved her, Chris kept saying all day how much he missed Grandma. It brought tears to my eyes. No doubt he did. But he handles death so maturely, he understands that she's in heaven, 'with my kitties', and that she's very happy there with Jesus and Papa. But we are sad, and he understood how it helps to say goodbye and tell stories, and share hugs with other who loved her too. She'll always be with us, as long as we remember, and we'll make sure these kids always remember. Even though we are all so sad, life goes on, almost in fast forward with these kids around. I can't help but want to sit back and enjoy the show.

Wild trip to New York, Day 2

Thursday was another drab and dreary travel day for us. It seemed appropriate though. However, even in the sad icky weather, it was still pretty. I don't think I'd ever seen the grape vines in the fall. They were really beautiful. Though it's hard to capture while driving. I tell you we certainly wanted to stop at many of the wineries we passed.



But we had plenty of whine in the car. The second day we broke out the DVD player the Julius's loaned us, much much earlier. The kids were a little crazy. We got to the hotel just in time to change and go to the Viewing at the Funeral Home. The girls were not up for it, so we split up, and we took the boys for a quick stop. It was nice to say hi to family members we hadn't seen in years. But our little distractions made conversations difficult. At one point, Sam darted under the chairs in rows that people were sitting in, and I had to go up to introduce myself to someone I'd never met, a cousin of my uncle I think....somebody's nephews uncles former roommate. just to pull Sam out from under her chair. She hadn't noticed he was there. Luckily, she had a good sense of humor.



But the kids weren't in to good behavior. They were a little on the crazy side. 10 seconds before this pic, these three were walking towards the window in the hotel, and we were trying to get them downstairs. It worked. Slowly. Lisa opted to do a drive by visit. We would all pack the yahoos in the car, drop off Lisa a the viewing, and circle around a bit while she mingled. She got there just in time for the Prayers. And we circled around North Tonawanda.



We discovered that on Oliver Street they have a bunch of carousel horses lining the street. Kind of neat.



After the viewing, we took stressed out selves to Ted's. They have the Best hot dogs, even the boys ate them. We ate quite well. Something about drowning our sorrows in good food distracted us enough. And when the kids were equally distracting, it was better. I love this place, and it saddens me so much that Grandma isn't going to be the center of our trips there anymore.

Wild trip to New York, Day 1

It was a wild whirlwind trip to western New York last week. The occasion was terrible, but we tried to make the best of it. We put all the kids in the back of the minivan. We were outcrazied by kids 4 to 3. But at least they were Cute.



It rained. The whole first day. The whole way there actually. But once we got into the hills of northern Ohio, it got really pretty. Even in the pouring rain. (Though it's hard to take many pictures while I'm driving.)



We stopped at a nice rest stop in Ohio, and the kids were antsy as all get out. Do you realize how hard it is to let kids run wild in the pouring rain and mud in a rest stop? It is. Was. So we improvised. We took over the (very nice enclosed) vending machine area, and let the kids run it out.



Luckily, they are so Cute. People came in, and instead of finding the kids obnoxious and rude, they would all smile. I guess the Cuteness in exponential numbers far outweighed the annoying.



So we let them Run. And run they did!
All shots were action shots. Because they needed to expel some energy. They did really well until we got just past Cleveland. We wanted to get to Erie to the water park, but that just didn't happen. To let them vent some energy, we stopped at a Chick Fil-A, and let them play in Mentor. Then we found a nice hotel with a suite that would fit all of us just off the highway. So stop one in the hotel was to take all the yahoos for a swim.



And they loved it.



All four kids had a wonderful time in the water. It was just the stress relief we needed.



We love being taken over by sweetboys and sweetgirls!

Circle of Life, Part 2

Some say we were crazy, loading up the 7 of us into our minivan and trekking two days each way to be in New York for a funeral for two days. Well to that I say a. you didn't know my Grandma, and b. We've always been Crazy.
Our family kept saying Thank You for coming, like it was some kind of great hardship, or a great sacrifice for us to come. Honestly, it wasn't. It wasn't that hard. I think we only debated for about 2 seconds, a minute tops. I didn't care how much it cost, we needed to be there. I had been too pregnant with Sam when Papa died, and I wanted to go to NY. Come to think of it, I'd been too pregnant with Chris when Grandpa Jim died, and I couldn't go to DC. I wasn't pregnant. By gum, I was going. And when Lisa's car situation made her own trip sketchy, in the same conversation, I said Ride with us. I didn't give any thought to logistics, they all just fell in to place. And it worked out.
In fact, in spite of the horrible circumstances, this adventure didn't suck. I guess I can say that, I don't want to say that a Funeral was Fun. But there were times that we laughed, and we did have a good time. We had fun remembering Grandma, we had fun visiting family we hadn't seen in years. And the kids, well, they were fun and funny so much of the time, it was impossible to let the sadness of the occasion take over. It really felt like as we got more and more emotionally drained, just about the time we'd start to wonder if we really were Bonkers for doing this, the kids would do something. I don't know if you all know this, but my children have Powers. Yes, superhero secret powers. Gifts. They'd be Cute. Or Say something funny. Or we'd see something beautiful, like trees on a hillside, showing off their fall color glory. And suddenly, it was all worth it. OK, not exactly Worth It, but they'd fill our empty sad hearts back up again and we could go on a few more hours.
I could/can/will post pictures of the Cuteness. But this evening has been rough. OK, this week has been rough. Suffice it to say that bringing the kids to the funeral was a good decision. It was worth every whine (and the wine). Having them with us, provided a Blessed Distraction. The Gifts the boys have is the ability to just know. They know when to be silly, and make someone laugh or smile when their heart is breaking. They know how to give Great Hugs. Having my kids at the funeral, helps me. I get distracted enough to not dwell in darkness too much. The miraculousness of my boys gives Hope to others. Well, having the girls with us kicked that up a notch. And when strangers marveled at our little crew of Crazy, 4 kids 5 and under, with all their beauty, and their sweetness, running wild with Joy of Life, I have no doubt bringing them was a good choice. Bringing them helped them understand God and Heaven, and to say Goodbye to Grandma Pat. But at the same time, it helped me. Bringing the kids helped me cope with the full circle. They are young, they are full of life, for anyone to see them running, smiling, and laughing, they could think of all the goodness the future has to offer. Yes, we were saying Goodbye to a great lady, an amazing women, but she lives on, her love lives on in the lives of these kids she loved. It's a full circle, we say goodbye, yet at the same time so many of our family were saying hello and falling in love with the next generation. Our kids may have driven us a little crazy this week, but they brought such Joy and Love, that just having them around made the whole week a little better.



I Thank God for them.

The Circle of Life, Part 1

It's been a blogless few days. My Grandma Pat passed away on Monday afternoon. It was very Fast, and pretty unexpected, even though she was 85. She was a big hearted woman, the Strongest of heart I had met until my son.



This relationship with my Grandma wasn't your traditional one. She's my stepmom's mom. Now I'm Blessed more than many people I know, by my father marrying my Stepmom, because not only was she wonderful and kind, and cooler than my father, but her family was even moreso. I was 13 when they met and dated, and the first time I met MB's mom was when we all road tripped out to North Tonawanda for MBs bridal shower. It was held a few days before my sister and I's 11th and 14th birthdays which are 2 days apart, and they held a birthday party for us. I thought it was the strangest thing: Cake, candles, presents, and we had just met these people. We were welcomed into the fold of this family with hugs, and kisses, and we instantly inherited a half a dozen cousins to play with. It was great. But after meeting her once, we were instantly introduced as 'the grandkids'. I never felt any other way from Grandma Pat.
She didn't ever swear, and didn't say a mean thing about anyone. Every year on my birthday I would get a flowerly froofy birthday card, and now there won't be any more. Grandma was a Faithfull Catholic. She and God were tight. She went to Mass every day. She had lost 3 of her 5 children and a husband to cancer, and her Faith never wavered. She amazed me. But she wasn't a stiff stifling kind of grandma, not the kind you couldn't hug, or just sit with. Joy was sitting around a table full of family playing cards or having a glass of wine, or maybe Both. She had nostrils that went on into next Tuesday, and the family would chase her around with a ruler threatening to measure them. We got to visit her for a few days, just the 4 of us, last summer. I'm just so glad we did. We got to hang out, she welcomed my boys into her family, just like she welcomed us. We dined at all the 'must do' places around town for good eats. Now the funeral is over. We have said our goodbyes. And we're about to head over to her house, and she's not going to be there to wave goodbye. She always stood at the doorway to wave Goodbye. And the hardest was pulling into the family's car line away from her place this morning to go to the church, I blubbered she wasn't there to wave goodbye. Then it occurred to me, she'll always be Waving Goodbye. From heaven.



All she did was Love. And she was really good at it.

Wordless Wednesday

Run Run

Chris forced us to start a weird habit. When Eric took up running, Chris was a little younger than Sam is now, and he would call it RunRun. Daddy go RunRun. Daddy all done RunRun? That sort of thing. Well, fast forward almost 4 years later, and we still are calling them runruns. Only now (how's this for crazy?), Mommy has joined the crazies.

Kathleen and I are running together on Tuesdays and Fridays. I can announce this because we've now done it two weeks straight so it must be a habit. This past week we bumped it up with 90 second runs, and 2 minutes of walking for 1/2 hour on Tuesday. Then on Friday night, she came out and we really kicked it up a notch, and did 90s and 2s for the entire 5K. Oh yes! And we did the whole thing with 5 minute warm up and cooldowns in 55 minutes. I'm so Proud of her.

And we keep each other going. Yesterday, of course, I didn't feel like running. But I know she was knocking it out in Chicago, so I headed out to Pittsboro. I was officially starting out Week 7, which should have been a 2 1/2 mile run, roughly 25 minutes, so they say. Yeah, for fast people. Last week, I was exceedingly proud of myself as I ran 1 mile, walked a quarter, ran another mile, walked a quarter, and a third mile, in a glorious 47 minutes! Which I calculated was enough so that when we run in Disney World I won't get scooped up by the Bus.

Last night was supposed to be a 2.5 mile run. Only when I reached that same spot where I had hit 2.5 and died, with hip pain and numb toes a few weeks back. I realized I wasn't dead. I couldn't kick it up, but I had it within me to keep doing what I was doing. Plus Karin really kept me going, honoring me by sharing her story. I was so enthralled, I didn't have the heart to interrupt to say I was Done. And come to think of it, I wasn't done. I was just achy, and thought I couldn't do it, but just kept plugging. I kept looking off for the next streetlight, and used it as my focal point. Much like labor I use focal points and power breaths.
But really most of all I have a great cheer crew, who distracted me from the fact I was feeling on the verge of dying. So we made it all the way back to Karin's house, and I walked the cul-de-sac a little then stopped I realized I didn't die.

I stretched out on the cold concrete of her sidewalk, as they continued on, and in the peace and quiet, I didn't cry. I wasn't in that much pain. So I stretched, and got in the car and went home.

When I got home I felt great. How weird is that?!



This terrible photo is for Karin, who always insists on taking pictures. Only she was super crazy and kept running for a total of 9 miles, so I snapped myself when I came home...only to hear Sam screaming his head off. So a quick bad shot to mark the occasion. A momentous occasion!

I ran 5K. The whole thing. All by myself. And didn't stop at all. I'm a bit proud of myself. It was 3. 07 miles in 45 minutes, roughly 15 minute miles. Woohoo!

As long as I can keep myself up for the next 9 weeks, I'll be kicking all kinds. May even get some of my money's worth out of that gym I joined. ;)

And I just want to say to those of you who say I'm crazy for taking up running, Crazy is as Crazy does. I'm not crazy, at least not any crazier than I was before. Please don't say I'm crazy. I'm getting healthy. I'm going to be cheering on the sidelines as my kids grow up. I'm going to have my health. And that's Motivation, not Crazy.
I'm not one of those insane runners who has a desire to go run a marathon. I'm pretty darn happy to have run an entire 5K aka 3.1 miles consecutively. No Marathons - Not right now. Maybe if I keep in shape, I'll do more, like 4 miles. I might want to do more, keep pushing my limits, that's why I did it. I did it to prove I could (or couldn't). Karin challenged me, saying How do I know I can't run if I've never tried. so I tried. In a few months I plan to tell you, "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" But not yet. Last night, I came, I saw, I conquered.
And that is Just Fine for me. I can't wait to see what challenges the coming months are going to bring.
But I want you to take a moment and look at me. If I can do this - Me, with my plantar fasciitis, obese, bum knee, and all around crappy back, then you, my faithful readers, can do this too.