Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Mommy Diaries, ch.1

So, my MOPS group is reading this book, it's not like a book review or anything, it just comes free with our membership, and it's set up kind of like a Chicken Soup book, which in my case, means I'm actually making progress because I have to go to the bathroom every half an hour when I'm awake, and every 2 hours as I sleep. It's actually a good book called The Mommy Diaries.
Anyway, I just finished the first unit on Indentity, and on top of these neat stories are a few questions, to get me thinking so to speak. As I answered them, on the pot, I thought, I should write these down. Not only that, but I'm curious to see what my friends' answers would be.
So, I'm starting this as one of those read and blog contagious type pass-it-on things. If you would be so kind, as to read, and then post your answers too.

From The Mommy Diaries: Owning your own adventure

1. What surprised you most about yourself once you became a mother? I couldn't believe how my mind changed. Suddenly, I could function on an unbelievably low amount of sleep, the likes of which I hadn't seen since my early college days. I was also surprised at how things I used to know flew right out of my head. But I could tell you Chris's doctor's names, all his specialists, next appointments, most recent weights, surgery details, medication details etc. I can rattle off his medical history like nobody's business. Can't remember anything about the reproducing DNA, but by gum, I can tell you everything Chris has eaten in the last 48 hours.

2.Did you find that people looked at you differently than before you were a mother? Yes! When I was trying for Chris, it felt like I was banging on a door trying to get into the club. The best part is that now I am a card carrying member of this new club. And it's a great club. Strangers on the street will stop, and we can get into story really is a I never knew existed. Before Chris, I'd get asked if I had kids, my response was, no I have a dog. I never realized how DIFFERENT that answer was to having kids, I just thought it was someone to love, so it'd be similar, but it's not. It's more. I feel genuine joy and sorrow for complete strangers, those mom's out there when I see them, or they see me, and I've seen them give me those looks too. It feels good to get that knowing smile from a cohort in the grocery store line when your son is in a full body meltdown. I much appreciate that much more than the glares, which do happen, not often, the kind looks happen more.

3.How do you feel you have changed since motherhood? How do you feel you are the same? I still am human, make plenty of mistakes, just like before. When I was working, sometimes I couldn't stand my job, I could've quit, and did eventually. But this is a job I can't quit. I could quit. But that's how I'm different, the old me would've run at the stress, but now I just couldn't. It's the best and worst job I've ever had. It's such a challenge, one I wouldn't have taken on before, but now I live for this challenge. It's better than ANY job I had on the outside. On the days, or just moments when it's good, instantaneously, a smile or a hug can outshine all screaming. And it's those times that make it all worthwhile.

4. Are there parts of yourself you feel you've lost and you deeply desire to regain? Yes. My mind. I site for an example, I have a burning desire for more children. I'm signing up for this duty, again. Prayed...Praying for it. I must be insane. Though I'd like to regain use of my mind, perhaps down the road, I kind of like forgetting the misery, and love this joy, I am very excited about Baby #2, perhaps, I don't want my mind back.

How do you define your Identity? By your kids? Spouse? Career? I used to define by my career, or Christian, but now I've chosen to be MOM, and yeah, I kind of do define myself as that. There's a lot more to me than that, sure, but to stereotype me on the street, I proudly wear the badge of MOM. I fought hard for it, I continue to fight for it. It gave me great joy at church this summer when someone referred to me as Chris's Mom. This may lead to a complex, or burnout, later down the road, but for now it's a label I wear happily.

6. Can you believe that you were created with amazing potential and with gifts that only you can bring to the table? If not, what's holding you back from embracing this truth? This one got me thinking. Of course, I believe that God created me special. But what got me thinking, was what gifts do I bring to the table? How am I especially suited to be Chris's mom? (You guys can answer this one too!) My familiarity with medicine, my hospital experience, it has made me more comfortable to be there for Chris with all his health drama. I have humor and I can laugh, and that makes life SO much easier, and enjoyable. God has given me a strength I didn't know I had. I don't flip out (ok, maybe a little) when we get one more bit of bad news, we plug on, we do what has to be done. Together we are strong. God has made me strong, stronger than I knew I was. Somehow, our story inspires others. I can share our story, show others how much God has done for us. I don't even know what all gifts I have that Chris will learn from yet, since he's still so young, but know it's all from God. His whole life is.


Jenibug7 said...

Oh, I loved this! I will have to blog on it soon too! I loved hearing your answers, and I can think of SO many other great reasons why you are the best Mom for Chris and this baby #2. Both you and Eric are such unique people and love Chris in a way that God created you to love him in. It's your own way and noone else could possibly duplicate it. Even if they were his parents instead of you. It's just so awesome to think about that, about how God has chosen us to be parents to specific kids based on our gifts, personalities, histories, etc. He knew how some experience that shaped me in the 6th grade would someday benefit my children in some way. Incredible!

Kathy said...

aw :-)