Sunday, January 20, 2013

All Your Business

I had 2 friends and my doctor all three ask me this week, "Is this going to be your last pregnancy?" Both times to my friends I laughingly replied, "Yes.  I'm pretty sure this will be our last biological child."  I make a point of saying that I have no idea if he will be our last child overall.  That's up to God.  We've always had hearts open toward adoption, and that hasn't changed.  But for now, we're just going to sit tight and see how we do upgrading to 3 boys!  3 boys is sure going to be Exciting!  Maybe that's why I'm going through all this, to prepare me for something Big.
Now, in other people's circumstances, I suppose this question would have been Very Rude.  It's none of your business what I do with my uterus, I'm sure they think.  Heck, there's a part of me, that kind of was like, what, huh?  But no.  Not really.  I wasn't put off.  It's my Doctor's business to know if I'm planning more Use out of this Uterus.  I've already been plenty of work for her, she ought to know if I'm going to be crazy enough to do more.  And these are my friends,  and they are only asking me because they care.  Care Deeply about my current situation.  And in that, it's not a rude question at all, at least not to me.  I think they ask BECAUSE they Care so much.  And really, it's been impacting them.  This pregnancy has brought out Helpers and Workers in the hearts of my friends.  They have leapt in line to help us out, and volunteered to clean, cook, chauffer, and really do all the things I used to be able to do.   So really, I just wanted to say, instead of, "It's None of Your Business!"  It's All of Your Business.  And Thank You for that.  It is Your Business.  You have invested your prayers, love and time in helping me out with my family as I grow this baby, so you are invested in the results, and have a logical point if you ask me if I'm going to try to do this again.  And No.  I think my body has been telling me that this is my limit.  I'm going to keep Pushing that Limit, walk this funky line to keep me and baby healthy until we can get the healthiest baby possible out of it.  But then, yes, I think we'll be done pushing that particular muscle to its limit.   We can work on getting the other muscles healthy later.  You guys have helped me so much, I don't ever think I can Thank you enough.  It's a Good thing that God does the Eternal rewards, because I know I could never pay everyone back, or Thank them enough for all the help and prayerful support they've given me.  The love and support of my friends and family make this physically possible for me.  And I know that when Baby gets here, he'll be as loved and praised and lifted up as Chris and Sam.  How many people in their lives get 3 Miracles?  I'm so  Blessed.

God keeps me strong, he keeps showing me the Baby is OK.  He is the Strength for both Baby and I.  And now I've entered the phase where I can feel baby moving all the time, so there's that comfort so often.  Even Eric got to feel him wiggling last week.  I haven't blogged much this new year because I haven't had the heart to figure out what to say.  Every day Facebook asks me, "How are you feeling?"  Crappy.  "How are you doing?"  You don't want to know.  I feel swirly and tired, and I am worried all the time.  Every contraction, kick, stretch, spot, I wonder if this is It?
At least this week now, we're entering the Viable phase.  25 weeks today!  50% odds of survival, and getting better every day!  It's almost getting easier to bear, or maybe I'm just getting more used to the idea. I didn't think I could handle it if the baby came early, and wasn't Compatible with Life.  Now we're getting into higher percentage of survival rates.  I'm so Thankful he's doing so well.  I can handle being the Hot Mess as long as he's doing ok.  There's so much to say, and yet the words just won't come.  I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say.  All at the same time, I'm like a fibrillating heart, all muscles twitching in all different directions, not doing anything Productive.

I guess I just wanted you all to know, even though I haven't been putting it all out here, I am so Thankful for you, for your Prayers and other ways of Helping us out while I've been on Bedrest.  And it is Your Business.   And I just wanted you to know, I'm not offended.  I am so touched you care, about me, about Bebe, and so Grateful overall for your help and concern.  I think I may be an Unusual Case. ;)