Wednesday, July 1, 2009


My mother used to say "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

I guess that's why I've been disinclined to blog lately. For every sweet and wonderful thing that the boys do there's an equally awful and maddening thing they do to the opposite. I feel like I don't have much good to say on the blog, and yet when I count my blessings or pray the positives seem to overflow.
Sam is wonderful. He's such a happy baby. His smiles could start World Peace for he melts the hearts of millions, or at least those of all who meet him.
But he gets unhappy and he's Mama's little grudge holder. It's never just call out for 30 seconds, it's at least 10 straight minutes. Chris has learned a new phrase, "Sam's screaming (streamin') his head off!" I guess I rush through a lot of Christopher's care now, to the point of just letting Sam cry, while I change a diaper or read a story, and I've found myself repeating, Come on, Sam's screaming his head off. So I know exactly where he got it.
Meanwhile Chris is a classic "strong willed child". He marches to his own beat, and in the last few weeks his beats and mine do not intertwine. He's been so defiant, I ask him to do something, and he'll make a face, and tell me No! fists clenched. Two seconds later he'll change his mind. Getting dressed, putting toys away, getting his shoes on, getting him to eat; it seems like Everything is a battle. This pretty much sums up all our days. He mouths back and so do I. He's really smart, he knows I'll put him in Time Out when the count gets to 3, so he'll move from one disobedient instance to another until I'm ready to pull my hair out or beat him. I feel like all I do is yell at him for something or other. Some folks think his habit of growling is cute, Eric's theory is that when Chris doesn't know what to say he growls, but it scares some kids. Then when I can't take anymore and I cry all the way home, he'll ask from the back seat, "Wass wrong Mommmy?" I say, "Mommy's sad" or "Mommy's crying" well, he will ask if I need a hug. And you know I do. A hug, a kiss, or just holding his hand has some sort of magical power. Chris is so wonderful, he's got such a sweet heart. I just love him so much, he's impossible not to love. Even when he's driving me batty I love him. I just wish I didn't have to get to the low points in order to find the highs.
Anyway, I've just been a jumbled mess of emotions, as the song goes, "...feeling Mad and Sad, and thinking of the things that she never had..." ..things like patience. That's all I have to say about that.


Kathy said...

aw that's tough. I'm sooooo not ready for a toddler :-) hehe

SuperSillyAunt said...

Sorry you are having a rough time. Just remember that these days are short. They may not seem like it while they are happening, but one day you will wake up and your darling baby Christopher will be turning 8 years old! You will say, "where in the world did the time go!" Hang in there. You are doing an awesome job. He has matured so much in just the last year it absolutely amazes me. He's only going to get more and more amazing and those high times will soon overpower and out number the low times. Love you!

Andrea said...

Ahhh, just keep repeating "kids are fun, kids are fun" over and over again. ;)